MOMMA ALWAYS SAID

We'll try again tomorrow-MOM


I might not post tomorrow though either, but Friday....

Well yall will see.

It's funny, because, I typed it up last Friday, and I was all ready to post it, and now I'm getting butterflies.

Oh well.

It will help someone. ( Hopefully)

-Marz

MY LIFE THE SCREENPLAY

No, I'm not turning my life into a screenplay. But these are a few lines and scenes that have happened revently, that could be in a screen play of my life.


WORK

SCENE: Me standing looking happy, a young girl about 12 approaches," Excuse me". I turn,"Yes," "Do you have an encyclopedia...with um like..... foods that you can cook or ummm..... bake, that has like the ingredients listed?" "You mean a cookbook" I say trying to fill in her blanks. " Ummm... yeah I guess".

I was so mad that, that girl didn't know what the hell a cookbook was. WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH MY GENERATION, I AM SO GLAD THAT I DON'T HAVE TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH THEIR FOOLISHNESS.


THIS MORNING

I'm walking down the hall with my NEW York walk, pushing people out the way. (The stupid freshman can't walk, I think they need physical theraphy for their conditions.) I enter the counselor, MS. BONNET. (New character to the blog, we love her by the way). I talk to her about my night, ( Sorry but Ms. B gets my blog, fresh, and unedited, it is like this, but better. YALL NOT READY.) Then someone starts talking about, this morbidly obese queen, he has control issues, and obviously low self-esteem. He's one of those people, whose self-esteem is so low, they try to lower yours, to keep you both on the same level. I HOPE I NEVER GET AS LOW AS HE IS.


Anways.. they are talking about whether or not he is gay. My opinion, I don't know, I don't care. ( I don't trust my gaydar at all, I'm more unless they admit it from their mouth, then who am I to place judgement upon their orientation.) One of the girls who knows the drama of the whole school is saying how FATQUEEN has a girlfriend. My counselor is saying," There is no way that boy is straight".

[Alright, one time, FATQUEEN mimicked Ms. J on top model, his voice didn't change at all. (Even though you could tell that he was trying to change it. But again that measn nothing.)]

Then GOSSIPER, starts saying how everyone is always asking her is FATQUEEN gay. Then she talks about this other boy, who is definitely giving me a run for best dressed boy. ( I think I'll just let him have it.) Then she says," And they are always asking me if Marcus is gay?" She then turns to me. Expecting me to say," Oh yes, I love the dick and balls".


The room is filled with regulars, the people who are there all the time. They all scream," Who the hell is Marcus?" Together. Because it's one of those things, when you know all the people, but, you don't know their names. I am standing there and I say," I'm Marcus," lifting my hand so every can see me. Then the whole room turns towards me, and is like," OHH you're Marcus". Then of course, Ms. Bonnet, knows about me, because I told her. She has her eyes popping out her damn head. Because, she knows how my school is, and they have a double standard with lesbians and boys. ( We really need to make up a creative name for ourselves, that isn't derogatory. For now I'm using lesbions.) So everyone is in the damn closet at the school. Then one boy is like, "So are you?" I smile, I'm cool, and collected," I don't know". Then he says," Well dude, I'm serious, I could hook you up".

That of course means that he wants to hook me up with that one token homo that everyone knows. And they are usually full of mess. ( it's just the truth.)

BITCH I HATE YOU AND YOU SMELL LIKE BOTTLED FUCK. (You know who you are, always reading behind my back. DAMN get the hell out my space.)

EXCUSE this messgae, but a certain person always wants to read what I'm typing in the damn school. ( He's probably the one, who allegedly found my blog, and is telling the school about it.)








I left the room, with GOSSIP GIRL, and she is like," you know Marcus, if you would just tell me, then everyone would stop asking me." " I have nothing to tell or not tell, what does it matter, does it change who I am?". I walk off.

I can't stand the damn heteros, always in somone's business. I thought it was," don't ask don't tell". And if I would tell, ask someone who is in my normal group of friends. Like that really would make a differemce though. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS SCHOOL AND ALL THE PEOPLE HERE. But I know how they act and something could happen and get back to the minister couple. ( My parents) SOOOOOO.......WHATEVER. THEy"ll find oiut at the prom, Oh I really need to get on a male date for the prom.


WHATEVER.


DON'T FORGET FRIDAY, AND ESPECIALLY NEXT MONDAY. They are going to be hot stories


P.S. Sorry of the grammar is off.


-Marz

LAZY 2

Today I'm feeling lazy and this whole week will be filled with mild, laxed posts.

Except for on FRIDAY.

IF YOU'RE A READER OF THIS BLOG YOU MUST BE HERE FOR FRIDAY. It's going to be heavy, and maybe you can leave your weight with my post.


Oh I have a little something, something to write about.

AEROPOSTALE

I am loving the black men that are starting to wear Aeropostale. They are stepping out of the Rocawear, and dark colors, and they are wearing Aeropostale, and colors. TOO HOT. But then again, it shows how the stupid hoodrat heteros have no sense of individuality at all. Because one head negro probably wore something Aeropostale, a bunch of follower negroes probably jumped on his dick, and swung on his balls, and have made the Aeropostale company receive a huge spike in sales.

I don't wear Aeropostale all like that, ( I love their polos though). But, soon the hoodrats might move on to Old Navy, American Eagle, and wherever else I may shop at.

I HATE LOOKING LIKE OTHER PEOPLE.

That is why I never dress like other folk. I don't know how the straight boys walk down the street, and they see someone wearing the same shirt, pants, boots, everything. They have the same walk, and talk and there is no uniqueness to them.

THEY'RE MAKING IT TOO EASY TO STAND OUT. BUT I MIGHT HAVE TO MOVE TO MORE URBANIZED CLOTHING. Do they even make T-shirts in a large?

But overall, I'm glad that they are wearing clothes that look cuter than their other ones. GOOD JOB BLACK BOYS, GOOD JOB.

Enjoy this week, and make sure you're here for Friday. I took some time out for that one, even added a literary device or two.


STATCOUNTER

I want to start something new, something original, out of this world. That only resides in the planet of MARZ.

Every week, I'm going to highlight some things that I see on my statcounter.

This week Los Angeles wins with the highest number coming to my blog with 28 people. Want your city to win, hook it up then.

Second is unknown

Third is Brooklyn

Fourth is King of Prussia

Fifth is Decatur.

KEYWORD ANALYSIS

How to circumsize yourself?

Please don't, you will not enjoy it at all. You might die if you cut the wrong thing, the plumbing involved with the blood down there is very delicate.

CAME FROM

This is thanks to those who have gotten me more recognition.

1.My profile.

2. Mr.E

3. MARZ (That dirty whore , I can't believe his ass, having the nerve to name himself on his own blog.) LOLOLOLOLOLOL ( Why am I so crazy? I don't even know how people got to my blog, form my own blog. WHATEVER.)

4. Mr. Jackson

5. Mr. D



-Marz

BLAH WHATEVER

PEOPLE I BROUGHT A DAMN TICKET WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?


UGHH Tonight will be interesting.

I will have the scoop, and the drama. My semi-first party. (The ones I've been to don't count.)

I swear I'm going to do something to one of the confused freshman, or sophomores.

None of them have no sense of individuality, or self-esteem. I can give them some.

( Eww, look at me being a child predator.)

Today, is short, because knowing my parents and family. The drama will be high tomorrow and this whole weekend. But I'll be bored out of my mind, and I'll be able to blog to you all.


Enjoy tomorrow yall. I will be dying from the high fat content, and laughter from the drama.

-Marz

PARTY DILEMMA

All my friends keep saying I should go to the 70's party. I don’t know if I’m going or not. I don’t have an outfit , so I won’t be in the theme. Why should I go?

All my friends keep acting like it’s going to be so much fun, and I’ll meet new people ( girls). It’s mostly our school, and some kids are inviting their friends. But they are not inviting anyone that I’d want to meet ( gay boy is what I mean). And if someone did invite their gay friend. I couldn’t be on them, because, then everyone would say. WHATEVER. I’m not coming out this year, ( well not purposely who knows what might happens.) So why should I go?


Everyone keeps talking about what’s going to happen when everyone stops skating and starts to dance. I don’t want to be a part of that sex with clothes on dancing. ( UNLESS THERE IS A BOY THERE.) AND I just established that if a boy is there, that I couldn’t.............AHHHHHHHHHH.

I am not a whore o peer pressure, so I will not allow it to control me like it’s my pimp. I‘m no little child who is going to say, "oh no I have to go because everyone will be there". LET’S STEP OUT THE BOX OF UNIFORMALITY. ( if that’s a word.)


But who knows, what might happen, what might go down. I’ll think about it, I better think quick because the tickets are on final sale tomorrow ( the party is tomorrow too damnit.LOL)

I don't want to grow up, I want to get out, YEAH, take me away, I want to shout out. TAKE ME AWAY, AWAY, AWAY, AWAY AWAYYYYYYYYY- Christina Vidal


-Marz

REPORT CARD DAY

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy weekend. ( we'll hit there later.)

Today is report card day, and I am all full of mess. It's not good at all, and my parents are going to have one of those," what are you doing with your life?" conversations I'm not ready for it. Well here it is....

Honors English=C
Ap Cehmistry=D
Health=B
GYm=A
Ap Us History=B
Honors Algebra 2= C
Advisory=C
Art=C


When I get bad report cards, I have to see why I did bad, so I won't do bad again. Last semester I didn't care, I lost all motivation to be at school, and just to care. Now, I'm better, I guess. I just can't go to a college in Philly, then my parents will be proved right. But I don't think I want NYU anymore. I mean does New York really need another black fag? HELL NO. Neither does, Hotlanta, or Chi-town, or LA. So where am I going? WYOMING. What is happening with the community there? Who is stepping up and repping WYOMING? No one. I'll be the one to do it. DON'T HATE ON WYOMING UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE HATED ON. LOL

Oh yeah back to my parents....


I know they're going to trip because last year, I got an honor roll report card. I had a truly horrific day, it's like God said today, "I choose you to be tormented". I was at home, on the verge of taking a hammer, and breaking the windows. (Why am I so destructive? My mother says it's because I have a destruction demon. Oh lord, should we even touch there, I don't think we should.) My mom, and dad come home from parent teacher conferences. I was in the kitchen dying from anger, and whatever had happened, washing dishes. My dad comes into the room and is like, we have to talk about this report card. He sits in this chair and is yelling at me,"How are you going to go to college with this? Who is going to give you a scholarship with these types of grades?" My mother was in the corner co-signing," Your father is right". I hadn't seen my report card yet, when I saw it, I was going to throw some hot oil in their eyes. It was like 6 high B's and 2 A's. But, since some of my grades dropped slightly from first marking period, they were acting like I was on drugs. They then put my bedtime back to 9:00, I had to argue, scream, and fight to get a thirty minute extension. I went around the whole year telling people,"My parents put me on punishment for an honor roll report card". There is going to be so much that I haven't even mentioned, but, whatever. We'll see tomorrow, now won't we?

My weekend

So Mike and I are at this hot party, and I'm smashed as hell, and then I saw this dude. I knew I had seen him before, then he comes over while I'm doing body shots off this transexuals' belly. He's like," heyy," I'm like," Heyy can I do a body shot off you?" I get a good one off of his 4-pack ( he has the other two beers waiting in the cooler LOL). Then he invited me to this other party. So of course, Mike is my best friend he has to come, we get there and it is this crazy orgy with the whole college basketball team. We were like," WHOA." Then because all the other men there were tops, and the dude who spotted me, just came to find a bottom. They pulled a train on Mike, they almost got me. But, me being so drunk, thought they were little leprachauns trying to steal my gold. ( I don't even have any gold. LOL) Then the one who asked me to come is like," Yo, step back, he's mine". All I have to say is," BEST SEX EVER".


Oh wait this post is a little premature, this is about three years from now. ( I'm going to be so crazy.)

LALALALALALA LOL









SATURDAY

Saturday I wake up, and I was like DAMNIT. I got ready, and I'm running around the house searching for my Mac card, because, Kiki and I were going shopping after SAT prep. I got out the tub around 8:30, and I knew I wouldn't make it to the math section of SAT prep. Therefore, I decided to wait until 9:30 to leave, and make it to the English part. I was searching the house for my card, I didn't find it. my mom tells me to write a check to myself and I can get my money, I leave the house and get downtown, and go to the bank. The man swore I was extra old," Are you still in high school?" He was asking about to say I couldn't use my high school i.d. anymore. I got my money, which was less than what I should've gotten, but becuase they have to approve the damn checks before they deposit them. ( DAMN WACHOVIA AND THEIR STUPID RULES.LOL)

I walk down to the bus stop, and I'm reading the Metro. I'm standing out there like a two dollar whore, and the bus is not coming. I stood, admired the beautiful men, and their outfits were on point. There were these crazy people running around the city in shorts, and it was around thirty degrees. I'm waiting, waiting, and waiting, I didn't have a watch so I don't know how much time has elapsed. I decided that instead of freezing, to go inside the Starbuck's. I sat in the Starbuck's waiting for the bus, and reading the Metro. I heard the city hall bell ring it had to be around 11:00. If the bus did come, I still wouldn't learn anything so I dcided to head to COSI. ( My new favorite restaurant EVER.) I get there, and I ordered some green tea, and got one of their huge cookies. I sat down at an open table, and started to write. ( EWW I'M BECOMING A WRITER.) There are these two women and a man having breakfast together. ( Alright , I failed to mention that this Cosi is in the middle of Gay philly.) The man is staring at me, and I'm like not noticing him. I ate my cookie, and grabbed my tea to use it as a hand warmer, and I went to Tower.

I get there, and the really tall, cute dude that works there, is giving me looks. "Why the hell do you always come here and not buy shit?" Was his look, but I can't buy anything non-gospel, and where else can I fall in love by listening to Floetry. There was a man at that listening station, so I listened to Keyshia Cole for a minute. He finally moved, I moved like a vulture to a dead buffalo. I listened and, OHHH they entranced my mind with something. I need that cd in my soul. I keep telling my mom that I'm going to die without that cd, she keeps saying," It's not that serious, you probably think that now, but you won't in a month". Then I told her," Well I'm still dying from not having that Avril Lavigne cd, or Jill Scott's last one". "OH" Kiki appears out of nowhere, and she's saying there was a change of plans.

Kiki has a new friend, ( he's a boyfriend but she has a fear of commintment, and BLAH BLAH BLAH) I don't really know him, but he's not a nigga like her last dude, she has an African American now. ( You better learn the differences people between a nigga, negro, and African American if you only stay with your Motherland race.) We were supposed to meet him at 2, but he had to start work then. So he was supposed ot meet us at 1. I knew I saw him while listening to the cd, but i didn't really get a good look the last time I saw him. I listened to, "Feelings" another time. ( I LOVE FLOETRY SO MUCH.) We go outside, and we're standing on the corner,"we look like prostitues," says Kiki. I told her no we don't, because, we'd be on the streetsign pole. We're looking for him, and then he appears. She thought it would be weird, because, I don't know why. He was cool, his sense of humor could use a tune-up. ( He brought some gloves at Old Navy, and he kept saying, " These are O.J. Simpson gloves", for like ten minutes. LOL) I was reserved, because he couldn't handle the whole personality of Marz. ( I can't even handle this damn thing I've been given.LOL) We went around the city trying to buy him a coat, since he's from Florida, we have to teach him about the city. He wants to look like everyone else, it was too much. I need me a Floridian, oranges aren't the only thing growing down there. LOL ( YAll better get with it, winter is here, and they have eighty degrees weather. But I love the winter so.....)

He left to go to work, we go back to the gallery. ( The official worst mall in Philadelphia.) I needed some new sneakers, and Kiki is a damn shopaholic. We go to all these stores, then we were walking past the Gap and I saw this hot dressed mannequine. I had to go in, and just see the outfit. This cute Gap worker," Hi, how are you today?" "Good," I respond, Kiki says," pretty good". I mockingly yell at her syaing, "We are not pretty good, we are good, great even". The next cute Gapper," Hello, how are you?" Kiki screams,"Really good", I give her an approving look. I try on this polo, and then the cond cute GAPPER almost walked into the dressing room I was in. WHY DON'T THEY LEAVE THE UNOCCUPIED ROOMS OPEN LIKE AT OLD NAVY?

I also hate when you leave, and there is always this queen asking," It didn't work out for you?" Like it's your fault that the clothes don't fit you, or they don't complement your skin color. I folded the polo over my arm, to get it. I walk over to Kiki picking up all these pants. I was so mad at her, she blacklisted the Gap. I like the Gap, and I'm over there saying," How can you shop here? Ten minutes ago you hated the Gap, and all of a sudden you like them". The two cute Gappers, are just hovering whispering about me. YES BITCHES I HAVE A TIARA TOO, DO YOU WANT TO SWAP SOME JEWELS? DAMN. I was like, LET ME FIND OUT I'M CUTE, and THEY ARE TRYING TO TALK TO ME. I walk into the other side, and the whole staff is black, and gay, except for the women. We get our stuff, and we tell the saleswoman that their Gap is better than all the other ones in Philly. ( PEOPLE DON'T DATE MEN THAT WORK AT THE GAP, THEY ARE ALMOST ALL WHORES. It's just the truth, they have the chance at almost every man in the city. There is only a few gay men in America that don't own a pair of GAP somethings. YOU KNOW I'M TELLING THE TRUTH. But then again, if you're there for some good dick, ass, tongue, etc. Then hook it up. But then again, just because they're whores doesn't mean they're good in bed. I have so much to teach the world. HOW DO I KNOW THESE THINGS I MY QUESTION.LOL)( But then agian practice makles perefct, does that apply here?)


SHOE SHOPPING

I have these humongous size thirteen feet, and they aren't cute at all. All the cute shoes always end at eleven. Everyone always has these smart ass comments like because you have huge ass feet, you have a twenty inch penis. I HATE THIS SHOE SIZE. I'm not even totally into my man body yet, so they might go up more. TEARDROPS. LOL The shoes I got made my feet look bigger than usual. Only Pumas do me justice, and this new brand named Umbro. I miss when I was a 10½, at like 12. (Big lip poking out. TEARDROPS.) My Grandfather was a size 15, I wouldn't be able to take that. I love to dance and at a certain point, your feet will get in the way no matter how graceful you are.

We walked all around the city, having random conversations about whatever popped into our heads. I keep trying to get her to get some type of commitment with that man of hers. He wants marriage ( eventually not now, it's only been like a month), and she's like," we're friends with benefits". ( he wants to be her boyfriend.) Don't mess up with an African American, she could play that mess when she was with those other niggas, and maybe a negro or two. But he's going somewhere.

I need to find me a gay friend. But is there anyone my age on the same wavelengths as me? I mean Kiki is 23, and we are there mentally. My other friends are older than Kiki, except for the girls at school and they're mature. I'll be on the lookout for one soon, but I get in my moods. Because I'm a loner, and I just want to be alone. I'll add it to my new years list. I need to get a posse damnit, I'm tired of seeing everyone with a posse. I DESERVE ONE MORE THAN OTHER FOLKS. ( That jealousy is going to kill me.)

We finished our day at COSI, it was so hot. Their food is so good, and the ambience of the place is just breathtaking. This older man in the corner was giving me eyes. I was pissed to the extreme. WHY THE HELL DO THESE OLD ASS MEN KEEP LOOKING AT ME? He was giving me that,"He is too cute," smile. While I was joking with Kiki, then his boyfriend showed up. They were a cute couple. I keep forgetting that the older homos play eye games, and a stare is taking so far into whatever. I just glance around the room, and the other folks think I'm looking at them. IS IT A DAMN SIN TO LOOK AROUND A ROOM? I don't know. I guess I have to learn and watch my eyes. The last time I went to Cosi, I glanced around the room, and when I looked up the whole room, is staring at me like," I saw his ass first, you better step back bitch". Puffing up whatever they think I want, to get another look. Yall older mos are a damn mess, GET IT TOGETHER HEIFERS. LEARN HOW TO SPOT A DAMN 16 YEAR OLDER IN THE MIDST OF A ROOM OF GROWN MEN.

YES THIS APPLIES TO YOU. LOL

Maybe I'm just hype, and piping myself up. Maybe they're thinking ,"Why did his momma let him out the house alone? Letting that eightyear old child come to Gay philly. HMM MMM HMM, and my lawd is he a mud duck". LOLOLOLOL



I leave Kiki, and remember that my mother tells me to go to the church to help the pastor. I get there and it's just him and I. Alright, I was so filled with some emotion. I was like alright we're alone, it's quiet, it's whatever. DETECT MY EVIL SPIRIT DAMNIT. But we had chilled conversation about my future. My mother arrives, and she is talking to him about all this stuff. We left and I was sort of disgruntled, that my mother is acting like he is something big. HE IS A LIAR.

SUNDAY

We arrive to church, and I was sleepy. I forgot to tell you all, that last week, one of the church women tells my mom, " I don't like you, or your children". My mother had some conversations with her, and resolved the drama like a lady she was happy," I didn't have to slam her". CRAZY. The pastor got up to speak, and did he irk my soul something fierce. He said almost everything he was nonchalantly conversing with my mother the day before. I was like," WHOA, what?" He was saying some of the stuff my mom was saying yesterday, and my mother is sitting in the audience with a pen and notepad, smiling like Jesus just said," You are the defnintion of a woman". I was all too through. Then he took me there.


" The other day I was on the corner, and I saw one of the young ladies who used to attend the school here. She was a lesbian, and I walked up to her and gave her a hug, and she told me how she was getting her life together. She was trying to hide herself from me. I told her Jesus loved her and went on. I don't understand, if being gay is something to be proud of, and they have pride then why was she trying to hide herself from me. Because, she knows the truth.,"

I wanted to stand up and say," FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD, GAY PRIDE IS WELL, ALIVE AND LIVING". I swear I am going to bring a boyfriend (or less than that.) into his church, when I'm grown. I'm going to sit in the front row, and I'm going to cross my legs, and I'm going to hold his hand the whole service.( Hell, one of you bloggers want to volunteer, it's for a good cause.) ( I'm going to do the same thing at Thanksgiving dinner '08. To spite my parents because I know they'll try to pull that," we love you no matter what". We'll see. I have so many things to do, and people's mouths to shut. CAN SOMEONE HOLD THE GLUE WHILE I GET THEIR LIPS IN POSITION?) I get angry when my mother is like," that was an awesome sermon," and the man is obvisouly a liar. Because, if he kicked out the other man, because, he detected gaynes Iin him, why can't he get me? HE MAKES ME SO ANGRY, LYING ASS. You kicked him out, because, you stereotyped his ass, and you were right. YOU WERE TOO AFRAID TO LIVE WITH THE IDEA OF ANOTHER MAN LIKING YOU. Well look-a-here-now, if I were older I'd be saying some words to you too. (He looks really good for his age, he's one of those men in their early fifties, that are banging. I HOPE I LOOK TEN TIMES BETTER THAN YOU WHEN I'M FIFTY. HA.)




Also this statement.

" There is one thing that will never change, and that is the word of God".


HE MUST NOT KNOW OF THE FIVE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF BIBLE.

P.S. Please disregard a good majority of this post, my eyes are burning and I think I'm sick.





-Marz

I Digress

After this long and challenging week, I leave you with this beautiful Floetry cd. PEOPLE PLEASE SUPPORT THESE LOVELY LADIES. ( I would, but must we go into my minister parents. "FLoetry! They aren't singing about God".)

They'll be added to the lists of media to get when I am grown. ( 1 year, nine months, 2 days.)

People I am so happy, I've been published ( I'm under New Orleans piece, mine's in titled,"The loop in the library system.). I felt like a hypocrite writing that piece, when I read the whole B-Boy blues series when I was 14 and 15. But 15 is different than 7, and Mr. Hardy is more than sex.WHATEVER.

I'm feeling this journalism thing, at first it was just something cute to say I do. " Oh yeah, I'm a teen journalist," see it sounds cute. But I could really change some minds, plant some seeds, give people a different view of the world. YES I'M FEELING THIS JOURNALISM THING.

My next pieces will be about the Thanksgviving parade, (Which I will be starring in, I'm a clown again .LOL) and my next hard-hitting piece will be titled." Rosa Parks: How far have we come from the back of the bus?" It's going to talk about......... I'll let you wait in suspense.

My friend Poetic Goddess and I are going to this poetry reading on WORLD AIDS DAY, and I might read my B-poem, that no one commented on ( wink wink please comment, so I can dispute my low grade.). My mom was extra hype," I really liked it", but of course she's mom. She said my father said I could read that on theApollo, or something. The people that liked my poem were like," how long did it take to write that?" I respond," ten minutes,"everyone is so shocked. My emotions fuel every poem, so it's easy and simple. But the open call was today and monday for the reading, I'll be at work. So the only way I'll perform is if there is an open mic. I can imagine myself reciting my poetry afflicting the pain of my words on the crowd. Softly wounding them, then applying cocoa butter to conceal their scars. TOO HOT. POETRY IS SO WONDERFUL.

.

I'm off to watch Sex&the city for the first time in my life. Hope it lives up to the hype.Probably won't, it's been edited for the WB.


-Marz

I POSTED TOO QUICKLY

This is a continuation of my bad day. I posted to hastily, because I was feeling much better about my outlook on things. School ended, my Algebra teacher, almost died yesterday. So he didn’t really feel like being educational, because, he was happy to be alive. ( We all should be though. Thank you Jesus for letting me see another day.) He opened one of our many computer labs for us, and we got to do some very educational work for last period. ( WINK WINK. Gotta fake the School district out, if they happen to find my blog. LOL)

I get to work, and everyone is like,"Ohhh I like that tie, it’s really nice." I don’t know why everyone was so excited over this tie, and this outfit. But it is flyy to the max. (MR. Jackson knows how fly this outfit is.) I then go and punch in, put my things away, and go to the children’s section.

KIM ordered flyers for another one of her dry programs. She ordered around 1,000 flyers, and only three people are going to show. WHO HAS HOLIDAY STORYTIME IN THE MIDDLE OF DECEMBER? I digress, all the flyers say 6:00 p.m, when the program is at 4:00 p.m. She has the other girl I work with changing the flyers. Yesterday, instead of crossing the whole line for the time out, and writing 4:00 p.m. next to the incorrect misprint. I just wrote over the 6 with a 4, that looked more professional. I grab half of the five hundred flyers, and the girl says," You have to do it like this. Kim didn’t like the way you did it yesterday." I do one the way Kim wants it, but my handwriting is different. ( It has flair, that is misunderstood, by non-artists. LOL) I said to the girl, "You can do the rest, you write better. I started highlighting library card applications. Kim, and my immediate boss call me over so we can have another conversation. All of these conversations are always like," Bad nigger, bad".While Kim is probably thinking," I wish some white kid would’ve applied." Maybe I’m prejudging her. But didn’t she prejudge me from what Nikki told her?

Kim tells me that the other co-workers and I have been lying on our timesheets. (Of course she said this in a tone, and in words to hide her true meanings. Like the president does, with his shady ass.) She then says, that from now on, when I come in tell her, so she or my immediate boss can sign me in at the time I arrive. Then they hand me this schedule of my new hours. How can they just change my hours? It’s against the rules, I am allowed to work as long as they’re open, and as long as I don't go over ten hours a week. She changed it so that instead of working nine hours a week, I will be getting five hours a week. Taking my measly bi-weekly check of less than 120 to less than 60. ( Damn you FICA, I hate you and your children. LOL) Then what really pissed me off was when she changed my hours on Mondays, and Wednesdays. Those are my main days to make money, and she says that she changed it from 4 to 4:30 because," that’s the real time I get there".

YOU UGLY HEIFER. I BE ON MY PIPER WALK ALL CRAZY. ( Listen to me using slang, sounding all butch. LOL That last line means walking fast.) TO GET TO THE PLACE WHERE THE WHORES WHO WERE TO CHEAP TO FREQUENT BORDER’S GO. I HAVE TO HELP THOSE FUNKY CHILDREN WHO EXHIBIT SIGNS OF NO FUTURE WITH SIMPLE MATH EVERYDAY. AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME THAT I GET TO WORK A HALF HOUR LATER THAN I DO. WHEN I AM GETTING MORE EXERCISE THAN BILLY BANKS IN ALL HIS TAE-BO MOVIES PUT TOGETHER, TO GET THERE AT 4:00.

Yes I was ticked off. I sat there and just pulled my cheeks in like I do when I get mad and hold my tongue. ( Or when I am trying not to smile, or when I am making my lips look like Angelie Jolie. LOL I am so weird.) Then Kim and my boss just kept going off onto tangents, talking about foolishness. Very unprofessional. Get your stuff together. I know the library is laid back in persona, but this is still a place of business. Bring your professionalism to the table. I WAS THE MOST PROFESSIONAL ONE AT THE TABLE, AND I’M 16.

PROGRAMS

We have enrichment programs every Wednesday, where we teach the kids something, and usually do a craft that coincides with the lesson. On Monday, we have internet programs, where we show sites that are interesting or helpful. Last year, my immediate boss, would sit down and have conversations with me and the other two in my position. About what we would like to do for the month, and include our ideas. Also, because we were in school, and we know what the children liked and would attend. THIS HEIFER HAS THE PROGRAMS SCHEDULED UP TO APRIL. We have to organize two programs each year according to our contract. So she is like," Oh yeah, you have to schedule your programs. Think around March, April, May". This is a group effort, and you have them planned to APRIL. ( Not saying that Caucasians can’t plan for BLACK HISTORY MONTH. But how can she plan for that month or any other ones, without input. I don’t even know if she has planned for it or not.) I do not like my name being involved with mess, or be a part of mess in general. Having these crappy programs and putting my name in it, is like having your name on the credits of the Vibe awards.

I told her I wanted to do a gardening program in spring, ( since that’s the only time open.) She has been bugging me for the last three weeks, for a program in MARCH. I know it’s good to be prepared, but she is really on me for stupid stuff in NOVEMBER. " Can you get call numbers for the books you’re going to be using? What kind of seeds do you want to plant? Are these cups alright for the program?" She tells me that she wants my idea for my second program by January. I have no problem with that. She is alright, I don’t have many issues with her excpet, for her advanced planning of the programs.

THEN KIM DID IT, SHE BROUGHT ME TO MY EDGE. AFRICAN AMERICANS GET READY FOR THIS ONE. YOU WILL BE PISSED.

I asked Kim about Saturday programs, she told me the other two have an interest in it. ( THEY DIDN’T HAVE AN INTEREST UNTIL YOU TOLD THEM AFTER I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU ABOUT IT.) Then she explained how Saturday hours won’t be available until after the New Year, and I can rotate with the other two. I was alright with that. Then she said, that my schedule isn’t set in stone, it’s because of how slow we’ve been. They can’t find anything for me to do. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Bullshit. It’s all a lie, my old boss would have these crazy things just waiting for me when the library got quiet. She also let us work anytime we got there. If we cut school and got there at noon, she would have something ready for us. ( I know because.....LOL ......HEHEHE. I don’t cut all the time, just at the end of the year. WHAT? LOL)

Then she says my hours might be extended in February, and the children should really be there. Because," that’s the month that homework really hits, it’s a homework packed month. All the children have homework and African American projects for black history month". She looks at me and says, "YOU REALLY COULD HELP THEM WITH THAT."

I WANTED TO BANG HER HEAD INTO THE PAVEMENT.

Is that not discrimination?

Because I have the most pigment. THAT MAKES ME WELL QUALIFIED TO HELP THE CHILDREN DURING EXCESS PIGMENT MONTH.

" Come on chilrun’ follow ole Marzy down to the nigger section of books."

Don’t even get me started on that topic in itself. I feel like this about having an African American section. How are we going to talk about non-segregation, but then segregate the books from each other? If we are going to have an African American section, shouldn’t we have an Asian American section? They suffered. Latino section? Caucasian section? IF WE’RE GOING TO SEGREGATE BOOKS LET’S DO IT RIGHT NOW.

I’m not saying we shouldn't have books for the blacks, but they have a bookshelf filled with African American things. I feel as a person who strives to learn about other races, beliefs, cultures, and to dispel ignorance from myself. That other races should receive the same recognition, or the African American books be blended into the regular population of books.

But we can’t do that. OH NO. Then the negroes would have to read and search for a black book. It’s easier to leave them where they’re at, with Martin Luther King’s biography face forward, so they know where to go and where to stay. ( Sarcasm here, for those who don’t get it.)

I know how she meant it, but still I was so angry.

So, my hours have been cut, as the holidays are coming and I need to buy people stuff. I have finally been given the ammunition to terminate Kim from her position. But, I’m too nice to use it. I don’t want to ruin her life and get her marked as a bigot, just because, she said something that could be taken out of context. Maybe she just talks down to me because I’m younger than her.

PEOPLE GIVE ME SOME INSIGHT. I"M YOUNG, yall older readers have wisdom don’t be stingy now. LOL

I just keep thinking about working at Old Navy. Getting cute clothes, finding some boy, that by summertime I know well enough to lose this damn virginity of mine. Seven months isn’t considered whoring is it?

LAWD I DON’T KNOW, GIVE ME THE ANSUHS FATHA.

( I'm just saying that because it's Friday and almost everyone in my school was walking around with an erection or had their PC muscles squeeing extra hard, with their vaginas were just a lubricating. Because they were going to have sex after school, and hearing all their comments made the whole day an orgy of words. I hope they all catch chlamydia, and find out during the next STD testing. )

(Am I bitter I'm not getting dick? HELL YES) LOL. And Jesus went to thirty-three. I can' t take it.LOLOLOLOLOLOL

( P.S. My counselor told me yesterday, "Don't have sex with anyone whose IQ is less than yours". She was saying it out of frustration of her sons lack of her genius, but it was too funny.LOL)

I'm starting to think Kiki was right when she said," Marcus grown people couldn't handle your life." I don't want to be all BOO HOO pity me, becuase my life is too funny. When I look back at it, after my blood pressure has gone down, or the tears are wiped away, I can't help but sit back and laugh. But MY LAWD.I do have some days, that would make grown men want to stay in their bed forever.

With the world's distractions trying to turn your head from the true prize. You better have your head screwed on straight.-Marz

The question is, what is your true prize?


P.S. Fred you are too sweet, you get a comment almost everyday even if I don't have anything to say.LOL

-Marz

BAD DAY 2

I am still having weird mood swings, this morning I wanted to just get a sledge hammer, and bang out all the walls in the house. and then laugh.YEAH it was that bad, I have gotten to a point where I wake up, and I regret seeing another day. Like I don't want to die, but I don't feel like going through with my day. It is too much, then I think of the day to come, and all the things that will take place, and all the stress from my life just falls upon my head, like a pill of bricks with knife blades pointing out. My mother wants to yell and scream because she wants me to school on time. I don't cae about being on time. I was three seconds from throwing myself off the roof. (Not to kill myslef, but to just express my rage with, I guess myself. Also, I would go to the hospital, and not have to go to school, work, etc.) I planned to wear this hot outfit today, and I was running around the house looking for this one pair of jeans. My sister had them in her room, my mother and I got into it. WHEW. That woman. I see where I learned to argue from. I won ( she isn't that good.LOL) But I'm on punishment now ( I guess she ultimately did win then). I didn't leave the house until 7:30, and if I leave after 7 I'm going to be late.

Since I haven't bought my new sneakers yet, I had to clean them with an old
toothbrush. ( Don't act like yall don't know what I'm talking about, especially yall that were or are broke.) I didn't put the shoestrings back in them. So I am walking down the street
with sneakers, with no shoestrings, pissed as hell. With a big bag of raisin
bran in my hand. ( I needed some breakfast.) I was on the trolley putting
my shoestrings in my shoes. My face was so contorted to evil, I saw myself
in the driver's mirror, and I was like. DAMN. I didn't care. I caught the
train, and while on the train I put on my tie ( my outfit looks hot), I don't know if it was
croooked or not. I was just a mess. So I'm walking down Broad street (the
coldest damn street in Philly, in my opinion.) I was so overwhelmed with
emotion, that I started to cry. IT IS LIKE 30 DEGREES. I was yelling at
myself saying,"It's too cold to cry, it's too cold to cry." That first
teardrop hit my face, and froze. I stopped immediately. LOL

I then thought about all the tests I took, all the test I had to take. How am
I going to go to college with such a horrible transcript? Why am I going to college? All the people I want to help. Everything just collapsed on me. I got to school at 8:20, and I was
just ticked off. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm very gay (Literal
meaning there, like how The Flinstones theme song uses it.) So I am always smiling and happy. Everyone in the damn school is like," What's wong?" " Are you alright?" When people ask this question do they really mean it, or do they just say to seem sympathetic. I don't
know. I was so mad, and sad, and I just wanted to destroy something. I was
just sooooo I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE EMOTION. Then I just snapped, but in a
good way. Everything went really clear, and I was just calm. Now with me, I
analyze stuff, and put things in perspective extra fast.

I need to take things one thing at a time. I take my whole day, at 6:00 in
the morning,which isn't good. I need to handle each class with each ringing of the bell. I was still a little mad after English class, because, while doing something else yesterday. I forgot to read all the material for the quiz we had. Everyone in the hallway is like,"Ohh marcus you look sexy today." Giving comments on my outfit, this is nothing new,but, I thanked everyone as
usual. Then I went to Chemistry, I passed a test I took yesterday that I swore I wouldn't get anything right oin. I even got a high B, I am so proud of me.

I am getting to a point where I can focus on my stuff. Where I have a reason to be in school. ( Sort of)

The other day I was asking all the kids who trip because their grade dropped
form a 99.4 to a 98.6, why they strive to do so well? All their answers
rooted down to onne thing. MONEY. There is nothing wrong with money, and
being rich. But, in the end what will money do? It doesn't give happiness.
That is what I'm searching for . Happiness. School doesn't assist in finding
that. Although, I guess doing well in school makes me happy sometimes. But,
I don't know. I juist think that people get so clouded with striving for
something, that they don't even know why they want. Or they want this thing
for the wrong reason, or because it is what is shown to be the purpose of
their life.

What is my purpose? I don't know. I hope I find out quick. Yesterday in my
anger mood, I said that I hope that I do my purpose on Earth so I can just
be done and see God.

I want to help the children mature, and maybe start puberty. Maybe live to
see them be called the adults.

I want to help the people.

I want to help crazy kids, like me.

But I guess I need money to do that.

Because love is bought nowadays, and just showing forth love to people
doesn't count, unless a pricetag is connected.

I am almost back on track. I want to go to college again.

It's funny how in my craziness I go to the extreme limit of craziness, and when I look back. I am like,"How the hell did I get there?" this morning, Iwas saying I was going to drop out join JobCore, learn to be a butcher, and a whole bunch of other craziness. I was contemplating getting a drug addiction to relieve stresss. LOL. I kept thinking," Damn if my mother
would've shown some self-restraint, and kept her legs closed I wouldn't be here ." I don't like when I wake up in the morning, and it's like. UGHHH. Another day, I am not ready. I need to take things as they come, and not let my stuff pile up.

PEOPLE I HAVE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOU ALL. MY FEW BUT LOVING
READERS. HOW ARE YALL? WHAT'S HAPPENING IN YOUR LIVES?

Alright, let me tell you all how Kiki last night says," Marcus your life is like a really really good story, that is never ending." I had to laugh, my life is kind of fictionally funny. Everyone in my art class, my girlfriends gathers around and say," SHHH everyone, Marcus is telling us about his day." The kids in my class literally come to class to here the drama that is happening with me, and my family. Like I'm a movie or somethihng. MY LIFE IS NOT INTERESTING, I DON'T DO ANYTHING. I HAVE THE PERSONLAITY OF A TICK. I AM THE MOST BORING CHILD ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

I'm not interesting am I?

I guess it's because I'm too close to me, to see how interesting I am.

Who knows?

Well I'm on punishment at home, that means I'll be able to write the posts that I wanted to this week. I am thinkning about not going to the party, who knows.

I hate the world, and I dare the bitch to love me back.-Marz ( in my rage mood)

-Marz

BAD DAY

PEOPLE, I AM HAVING MOOD SWINGS LIKE A WOMAN IN PMS THAT FORGOT HER MIDOL.

I awoke this morning, and all my issues were there in my face. I couldn't take it at all. I was literally going to kill someone. My mother asks me before I leave the house,"Did you write a letter saying that you want to run away?" My father found a letter in the bathroom, and they think I wrote it. I WISH I COULD RUN AWAY FROM THE CULT PRISON.

The reason why he thinks I wrote it is..... I have tachnically been blogging since I was four. Except blogs weren't there, and I used paper. I would write out my feelings, experiences yada,yada,yada, on pieces of paper, and leave them around the house (Or my father would find it.) They weren't what normal four year olders would write. I was always different. My father and I had some confrontations, becasue my five year old letters, and notes said some strong things that were offensive to him.

It came to a point when at six, my father says,"If you don't like the rules in my house you can leave". What would you do presented this option at six? Most of you, would go cry or apologize. I ran into my room, and packed my suitcase. My mother came in screaming,"Marcus whatr are you doing?" " I'm leaving mom, I am tired of living like this. I don't want to live by his rules, so I have to go." She screamed with my dad, and they argued about it. I packed my stuff, went downstairs, unlocked the door, and was about to go down the front porch steps. Had no idea where I was going, but I wasn't staying in my house. My mother is in the doorway screaming,"Boy you better not leave this porch," while talking to my father about whatever it was that pissed me off. ( This is a true story.)

Throughout the years, I realized that I can't write stuff. Because, the nosey pricks would find it, and want to have a discussion about my strong words. (Imagine some of my stronger pissed off posts, coming from an eleven-year-older. Except they had much more depressing subtexts.)I don't know.


I was going to write this long posts, about how I can't take the stress in schoo;, work, and my other stuff. I need an emotional outlet. (This blog really isn't doing it. But, it's helping.)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm sorry people, but until I find some help or Midol, whichever comes first. Today is a bad day, and I hope no one crosses me. Because they will receive the full extent of my wrath.



-Marz

UNFOCUSED

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

I wish I could finish the rest of this verse.... BUT.... I’m

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie

Running round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goals.- India Arie


Maybe tomorrow this line can be finished, and I can get off this track.

-Marz

ANOTHER OFF DAY

I hate school so much. I am tired of waking up early (5:30), I am tired of dressing for school, carrying books, and this heavy bookbag that will cause me to go to a chiropractor at 22. I'M THROUGH WITH IT ALL.

I want to be homeschooled, and go to class naked, and eat a real breakfast instead of a pop tart.


YES, today is an off day, and I am just spiraling off my axis into the damn sun.

WATCH OUT FOR THE EXPLOSION NOW. LOL


Commenting

There are so many blogs out there, and I am trying to read them and put a comment on. But they have this new word verfication. EVERYONE KNOWS I CAN'T SEE. Did the blogger company do this on purpose so I can't comment on people's blogs? DAMN.

WINTERFRESH&SEEDS


For all those who don't know I am addicted to Winterfresh gum. I'm not lying. I have come down in my usage. I used to chew a whole pack a day, and now I'm only on one stick a day. Why did the Wrigley company raise the price of gum to thirty cents. Who the hell walks around with a nickel? Also, the David seed company,there is nothing like a pack of Nacho Cheese seeds, but they must be in conglomeration with the Wrigley company, because, they instated the nickel price raise also. I am so mad at this. I would boycott, but as I said I'm addicted to the blue junk.

I have a new addiction to add to my list. Arizona Green Tea, with Ginseng and Orange Honey. It is so good, and a 24 ounce can is only 99 cents. I think that is brilliant, it is like water, but it has slight flavoring. All my friends keep saying that need to drink ice tea because it's better. But I keep telling them, "This is healthier, and I can drink what I want."


JUNIOR PROM

This morning there is a survey in our advisory class about the junior prom. Let's revisit this event. I don't think I'm going to go. If I do, it will only be to get in the yearbook, and so I can stand in a corner and laugh at the girls who look a hot mess.

The questions:

Are you coming to junior prom? I answered maybe. ( Even though the only choices were yes or no, I made a a maybe choice.)

Are you bringing an outside date? Maybe. Lala and I are in love right? Even though she is a lesbian and I'm a lesbion. ( Spanish changes the a's to o's for masculine and feminine. LOL) She said," I'm sorry babay, but I'm not going to junior prom, sorry to break your heart like that." So if I do go I'm going by myself.


But at the end of the day someone grabbed my ass really hard. I turned around and there she was smiling," Heyy Baby," she then wraps my arm in hers and we walk down the hallway as usual. We stopped to talk to one of our friends, and then she said," oh yeah MArcus is my boyfriend now, yeah we're going to prom together. he's going to wear the dress and I'm going to wear the suit." I laugh, and she does too, as we stand arm in arm sharing my Froot Loops. I'm in a relatiuonship with a butch lesbian, and she has me. LOL. I better get something for V day.

The other questions were about what part of the city to have it, and how much to charge.

I started thinking about senior prom, I want to bring a boy sooooo BAD. That would be sooooo HOT. But then, he would have to be a dime, so if anyone tried to talk about him ( or me). I could be like," You're date is ugly as hell, he's a dime." But I'm two pennies and a nickel, and I can't have my date, at my prom outshine me. OH HELL NO. So I'll have to get a penny and a nickel boy to come. Then everyone would say,"You could have brought someone who looked better." After they curse me out, and condemn my ass to hell. But it would be so cute, we would wear suits that complemented each other. Definitely not the same suit though. I could wear a black suit, a nice white shirt, and a black, white, and silver tie, and he could wear a silver suit, with a white shirt, and the same tie. TOO HOT. I have to get on that. LOL

STOP AIDS: KEEP THE PROMISE

My poem from last week got a B-, I don't think it deserved that grade. All you bloggers out there are always writing, can you give me some feedback on what you think I deserve. One of my friends who is really into poetry (She organized this huge poetry slam for our shcool last year.) She told me that it was excwellent, and the words just," went". And the reason why I got a, B, was because it was about the government. Other students kept saying, it doens't flow, it doesn't go together. There essays were trash, and they got A's. I am very disgruntled about this.

I was so mad this morning when I saw that MR. Cent's movie made 12.5 million dollars. But there is a morbid fascination to watch it, like watching a two-legged cat run from a pitbull. ( I've seen it and it is HMMM... I'm at a lack of words. LOL) But then again, I heard about his naked debut. I want to know this, for someone who is so against the homos, and hates us, and tells us that we can't do this, and where we should stay. Why would you show your ass ( literally) in a movie? The women aren't going to say ,"Ohhh 50 has a phat ass." ( Well, maybe some.) But the homo men will, he's a fool. I think someone is showing the red in his hidden rainbow flag. LET ME STOP. PEOPLE I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO BOOTLEG THIS MOVIE. Therefore we can all see it, because 50 does have BODY. But we don't support his ass. BOOTLEG IT BOOTLEG IT. ( Although some of yall already have it on DVD. LOL)

That was wrong. Piracy is bad, but do we really want to feel responsible for all the things he has, and raps about. I don't want that platinum gun that he shoots whoever with, to come from my pocket. KET'S MOVE ON.

WEATHER

It is the middle of November, usually it is around 30 or 20 degrees. But today it is 60, it is very nice and all. But it is also kind of scary. What is happening that people are wearing shorts in the middle of November? I don't know. I'll just enjoy the nice weather, but I love winter, and the snow, and the arctic chill. I can't wait for the first snow day.


WORK

I want to leave, and go work at Old Navy, they all have,"We're hiring" signs in the window. I want to work at Old Navy, American Eagle, Aeropostale, or some store like that. The only reason why I am here now, is because the pay me to go to SAT prep, how many times do I have to yell that statement. All my friends keep telling me,"Come on BOOPS, it's time to get a real job." They keep asking me did I get a raise yet, there are no raises. I want a real job, at a real place, where I get real prequisites. I don't know, everyone is hiring becuase it's the holiday season. I want to work at this mall that everyone else is working at, I was going to apply to all the stores there in the summer. But I was coming back to the library, my mother loves this job because it is close. WHATEVER.

MG

The MG program is a program for mentally gifted people. I guess I didn't mention that my IQ is up there. ( It doens't reflect in my upcoming report card though. LOL) I was first tested unknowingly in around first grade, then I was given sixth grade materials in the second grade. I came in the classroom and there were three spelling lists, First Grade reading level, Second grade reading level, and MARCUS. I took the IQ test in fifth grade, to get into the program. (Because when I first took the test I was in Private school, and they were just giving me work that challenged me.) I was admitted into the program, you had to have over a 130 to get in. I remember when I had to leave on Tuesdays to go to another school for the special classes. Everyone would yell go to your MG programs. MG stands for, "Mentally Gay," I would argue with them all the time about it not meaning that. " It's not mentally gay, it's mentally gifted." I never won that one. Sometimes I wouldn't go because I didn't want to go to classes that they thought were to help my mentally gayness. (I was around eleven.) I didn't like some of the classes, but I was feeling the psychology class we took. I took two years of college psychology in seventh, and eighth grade.

Anyways...

Last Thursday, I was given a paper to come to this meeting and be reevaluated. I was so scared thinking that they would give me another IQ test, and I would fail. But the sexy assistant vice-principal, ( I haven't mentioned him yet, he is so fly. His clothes are always on point.) said I didn't have to take the test again, because your IQ doesn't go higher or lower. ( That's what he says, I don't believe that.) But you can't study for those tests, because, they will show you a picture and the tester will ask," What's wrong with the picture?" The answer will be,"The man doens't have legs," and stupid stuff like that. But they get much harder.


Everyone went to this party this weekend, and I wasn't even invited I feel so neglected......



VIRGINS ROCK. BOO YOU WHORES WHO HAVE ORGASMS ON A REGULAR BASIS, YOU ARE TRULY THE SCUM OF THE EARTH. ( How I long to be scummy and dirty. LOL. I don't have long.)


Tomorrow, I might go into my past.....YALL READY.......??????


-Marz

THE CRAZY HEIFERS ( I'm the ring leader)

" Praise the Lawd church."

"Praise the Lawd,"responds the congregation.

" You better teach your children the ways of the world. The other day I was sitting on my front porch snapping beans, and I heard all these children saying, 'dick' and 'pussy'"

The congregation gasps,"Now don't go out there saying that the pastor is cussing, cuz I ain't cussing. But I looked at those children and saw that they had no home training. Parents you have to teach your children, it is PENIS AND VAGINA." The pastor looms over the pulpit to give emphasis to the male and female genitalia proper name. Then she turns to the parents section of the church, " Don't act like they ( the children) don't know about it, because they do." Then she turns to the childrens section and looms over the pulpit again, making it seem as if she's air freshener floating the air, with her presence descending upon us slowly. " Children, dick is a man's name, and pussy is a cat."

That is my G-mom Pastor, telling the people about living in a correct manner. I kept thinking about that today in church, and I was cracking up at her craziness.


The crazy heifers, (my mother, sister, and I guess I am the ringleader LOL) were all full of mess this morning. It started when we left for church. My father gave my mother two cards, one for the pastor, and one for a mother of the church who lost her husband. My mother gets in the car and says to my sister," Open this envelope and get the letter out so I can read it. I don't want anything happening like last week. I will not have a fool made out of me." ( She is referring to the pastors letter.) We drive to DD's ( Dunkin Donuts), my sister orders a bagel and cream cheese, and a donut. I am yelling at her about her health choices, because, she is going to die eating like that, and I used those words. My mother is asking me if I wasnt something, I wanted some green tea, but I didn't want to sit in the car for fifteen minutes to drink it. Because church is about a five minute drive away, from DD's. I got a jelly donut for after church.

My sister is in the back trying to pry open the letter, and I say," Gurl, give me that, don't even know what you're doing." She is good, but I'm a professional at things of this nature. I grab the letter take off my glasses and use the leg to open the envelope, my mother is screaming in admiration,"Go head boy." My sister is in the back saying," If we had some steam we could do it real easy". IT IS FIFTY DEGREES OUTSIDE TALKING ABOUT IF WE HAD SOME STEAM, YOU BETTER IMPROVISE.

My mother gets the stuff, and the cute Indian man, is laughing with her. She goes to Dunkin Donuts everyday, from the previous statement you would think she is a caffeine-aholic. But she goes there for ice. She gets these huge cups of ice for 53 cents, and she just chomps it like an alligator. It is fall, and she continues to get ice, in 40 degrees temperatures. She gets it from my POP POP that man would chew ice in ten degrees weather.

The whole time she is steadily saying," When you get the envelope open give it to me so I can read it, you aren't going to read it." I say," I'm not opening this for no reason, I am going to read it." I have half the envelope open and I go for the other side, I get one half of the envelope pried open without ripping it, and leaving the adhesive intact. My mother says,"See if you can get it out, ( the letter) without doing the other side of the envelope". I get my fingers in there, and work it. (That's sounds freaky LOL) Out pops the letter and the check. All three of us are like," YES," my mother yells," How much is the check for." I grab the check turn it over and read it aloud." ( I'm not going to say the amount in cyberspace) But it was a lot of money, and for someone like my father who is always saying how poor we are, and what we can't afford. This shows eventually we can afford something. I read the letter aloud, and it was full of mess ( Again I won't go into it,) but, it wasn't as crazy as what he said last week.

My mother is then like, "Alright, I can deal with that, Marcus I need you to close the envelope back but make it look original." I am no amateur, I took the envelope relicked it, ( EWW I licked where my father licked. I need to drink some Listerine. LOL) Then I took the letter and placed it in between my two books, and began to hit the one on top. After six hits, I took the letter out, and smirked," Go head boy!" I say," You better learn how to do this on your own, because, I'm leaving for college soon." She agrees, and we pull up to the church. ARE WE NOT CRAZY AS HELL? This is why I am constantly praying for whoever gets hooked up with me. LOL

We could go to jail, if he knew what we did. ( If one of you bloggers call the federal police I will hunt you down. LOL JK) ( Please don't call the police though.) Also, it was private and for the pstors eyes only, but we had to take precautions, because, he is always acting crazy.

The pastor today said some homo-ignorant things again, I won't even address it. All I have to say is this, the church members have this huge existence upon what pastor said. ( It's like they live to hear him preach.) When Pastor doesn't know a damn thing, he claims he can detct the spirit of homosexuality. Is your spirit detector broken when you sit next to me every week, or shake my hand? It must be. Let's hope he doens't get it fixed then there will be a Philadelphia Faggot Trial. ( Simliar to the Salem Witch Trials, maybe I'll even get stoned or hanged. OH JOY! LOL) ( This is written in a sarcastic tone. You'd be surprised how many people can't detect sarcasm.LOL)

Is it better to enlighten darkened minds, or stay with your own special glow?-Marz

Because truly I am the only one who can see through him. He preached for about two hours, didn't open the bible once. Maybe he did, I wasn't really paying attention. I'm growing not to like him. But, I'm not at chruch for the pastor, I am there to better my relationship with God.

I'M SO SICK OF ORGANIZED RELIGION.

I just want to sit at home on the couch, sipping green tea with honey, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. As I read the bible, and reflect on its application to my life. As Kirk Franklin's HERO cd plays in the background.

DAMN THE TABERNACLE BUILT ON LIES. (Why do I always sound like a damn Black Panther when I get mad? LOL)


P.S. For the 70's skating party, I have been given the thumbs up. Alright, I have decided to either be a black panther, a hippie, or a pimp/funky fellow. ( I'm going to fall so many times on those skates. LOL)

Every mountain in my way, is gonna come tumbling down, negative things that people say, it's gonna come tumbling down. Every moutnain every hill. Is gonna come tumbling down, can't always go, by how you feel. It's gonna all come tumbling.

DOWN

DOWN- Tonex

I hope they break their crown like Jack did when he came tumbling down. LOL

P.S.P.S. Have you ever lived a moment in life that is like reading a script or seem as if it could be in a t.v. show?

Marz: What did I do in my previous life to come back and be cursed with you and your husband as parents?
Mother: You believe in reincarnation?
Marz: I don't know what I believe anymore, you all make me so sick.
Mother: Well, you know reincarnation is of the devil.
Marz: AHHHH, I'm going to bang my head into this glass window.
Mother: Alright have fun, don't break my window, or bleed over my car.

I can't stand that my mother has learned to adapt to my dramatic ways. Also, that her comments are quick, and witty. It also ticks me off the nonchalantness of her words.


-Marz

GAY COUPLE

At the library, there is this gay couple that comes in every Wednesday. They enter about 5:00 p.m., when I am extremely bored, because there are no children to help. They smile at each other, rub each others shoulders, fuss over small things, and then they come to the table and pull out their homework.

THAT'S RIGHT THEY ARE AROUND 11.

Of course this is not really surprising to me, when I was 11....... ( HEHEHE later story for another time.) But when I first saw them I became green with envy. Why don't I have a dude? Was my main question.

The answer is because I don't have time for one. I have two jobs, a full time high schooler, seven extracurriclars, and I'm starting college courses in the spring.

And as I read that, I know that is all a lie. I just don't want to analyze the real reason, best to stay in denile on some things. LOL (Analyzing my craziness is a job.) But that is a good reason stated right? It's what my counselor and I decided on, wait until the summer.

The whole thing roots down, to a jealousy of the younger children in the life. I want to be them SOOOO BAD. But I have the family with more minister degrees on the wall then fmaily photos. TEARDROP.LOL. That's enough of my pity party, I'll be able to go crazy in 1 year, 9 months, and 9 days. I had let my envy go, and I am happy that they aren't crazy, and have someone. Because truthfully, I only want a dude at bedtime hours ( LOL), while shopping, and when my girlfriends are complaining about their dudes. I want to be able to say," Guess what Isaiah did last night?", then they respond," What'd he do?" Then I'd respond," He said that, I'm lucky to have him and he is the better half of our whole, the nerve of his ass." Then they'd yell" Niggas, they just don't know how to act." And we'd laugh into the sun. ( Why am I so crazy?LOLOL)

Anyways......

For those who don't know, gay males like to travel in packs of even numbers. ( 2,4,6,etc.) Either with other males, or with some females, and most of the time you can't tell if they are with the one they are clinging extra close too. Or if that is just their freind who they won't acknowledge the sexual tension with. Main point, you can never decipher if they are with the one their with. You get me?

Last week, my boss wasn't there and all my co-workers in my position had left. I sat at Kim's desk, (my boss) as the library patrons just walked around. ( I looked so professional behind a desk, and people came up to me, and addressed me like I was something. LOL) As I browsed Keith Boykin's website, I watched them out the corner of my eye. They were helping each other with their homework, and reading Spiderman comics. IT WAS TOO CUTE. I was loving it, all too much.

Let's give them names and characteristics.

Rubber, is about 5'5". and kind of skinny. his shoes are really long, they look too big for his feet. They are those ugly Nikes that look like the rubber was burnt in the back and they just linger of the heel. He has something to stare at, (face wise) and appears the smarter one. Because he is always helping his friend with his homework. The other one is Deepvoice, he is about 2 inches taller then Rubber, he is the same caramel complexion as Rubber, he's thicker than Rubber . I can't really describe them at this moment, I'll give better descriptions next time I see them.


Alright so this Wednesday, they came in and went to their table. I was walking around, finding random things to do, because, the children didn't need help. I was trying to stay busy, so the bosses didn't find something crazy for me to do. ( Last year, I found myself on a ladder, putting cups under cracks in the walls, to collect the rainwater, that was going near the electrical socket. I learned my lesson there and then.) Kiki and I were in the teen aisle, talking about some crazy stuff as usual. She leaves to go back to the front desk. Rubber comes over, and he starts looking for comic books, and he is on the ground staring at me from the corner of his eyes. I leave the section to find something new to do. I start shelving books, I am humming and in my own world as usual. This book goes here, repeating the call numbers on the books, so that I can just place them on the shelf. Then I get to the pre-school section, which is in the middle of this crescent. On the outside of one half of the crescent are the pre-school computers, and on the other side are the children computers. Rubber and Deepvoice are on the computer together, and Rubber is leaning over Deepvoice's right shoulder, pointing to something on the computer screen.

The preschool section has crates instead of bookshelves, so you have to bend over to place the books in there correct bins.


HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THAT MY LOWER BODY IS SHAPED LIKE A SOUTHERN WOMAN, WHO HAS SPENT HER WHOLE LIFE EATING THINGS LIKE FISH&GRITS, WITH BISCUITS AND GRAVY FOR BREAKFAST.

All that to say, I'm bottom heavy. Even though I've lost weight. Anyway.

I bend to put one of the books back, and I here them whispering about my phatness. "Look at it," says Rubber," damn," says Deepvoice. I stood up and looked right at them, and they are smiling knowing smiles. I was all too through.

But they weren't.

I said all that couple/friend stuff a little ways up, because, I think Rubber was trying to talk me, or maybe Deepvoice, maybe both of them. ( I am not doing a threesome with middle-schoolers. LOL) Also, that they weren't friends, just really close friends. They sat and I could hear them arguing about whether or not I'm gay. ( Which truly isn't smart, they were trying to keep it hush-hush in a library, they were the only ones really talking, and my hearing is excellent.) "Look at him, I think he is," says rubber," He might be." Deepvoice responds. Again I was all too through. I ran into them again in the teen section while I was putting up magazines, and they are sitting on the ground, staring at me. But trying to not look at me, making hand movements and whatever.

Then as I sat at the table designated for the Teen Leadership Assistants, they came down the three long steps into the childrens area, and Rubber was trying to walk straight. But Deepvoice walking right next to him, nudged him over and they sort of made a 180 degrees walking towards the table I'm sitting at. Rubber bounces into the table, and Deepvoice looking so embarassed tries to play it off. He grabs one of the brochures on the table in the Arthur holder. Then they both look at each other with that," you ask him," look one their face. Then they both run off, they might have been slightly able to pull off that clumsy debacle. But as I went to read the brochure they grabbed, it had to do with how to get your kindergarten child to read more.

I just laughed silently to myself, and the whole time as they went through this circus act. I kept reading my book, and gave them no notice, I only averted my eyes upward when they bumped into the table. They lingered in the library for however long. Then this younger boy, who I assume is Rubber's little brother yells, "come on". Rubber and Deepvoice gather their stuff to exit. I sat thinking how Rubber's little brother is going to drive them girls wild. (He had that aura of a male whore ( yet to be discovered by him though), the girls won't be able to resist that.) As the friends are going to exit, Kim asks them if they want to join a program she is having. None of the children ever come to her programs, and she is always trying to get them to come. But they aren't that interesting.

Rubber looks at Deepvoice with eyes like," you want to stay." Deepvoice is thinking about it. I was loving it how they really looked like an old married couple, discussing things together. They try to decline graciously, and Kim is just saying, "Well you don't have to stay long". I was at the table thinking, "They said no heifer, let them go." ( I still don't like her after all her shadiness.) They go out the foyer of the lobby, and sit on the sofa near the door. Kim comes down the three stairs and says," Marcus go into the program now." Then she tried to make a joke about it," and I want a twenty page report on it tomorrow."

NO HEIFER, YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR TONE. I DON'T LIKE YOU TO BEGIN WITH, AND YOU WANT TO TAKE ME TO THAT POINT WHERE I BRING OUT THE ANGRY BLACK WOMAN IN ME. ( I get it from my momma LOL)

I am getting tired with her tones, that not even my mother talks to me in. Demands instead of suggestions. I WANT TO TELL HER OFF. My last day is June 30,2006 ( if I make it that long) so I might just give her a few well chosen words with my resignation.

I oblige to her request, I close my book extra hard, stand sharply, and begin my way to the meeting room for the program. On my way in the room, I caught Kiki's attention and mouthed," I can't stand her ass!" Kiki is horrible at reading lips, so she's like,"hunnh." All the while I remind you the couple is sitting on the chair, waiting to leave. I point at Kim to give emphasis, and mouth," I can't stand her ass." My orientation was showing slightly, and Rubber says," Oh yeah he's gay." Then I saw them discussing whether or not now they want to enter the program or not. Because now I would be there.

I go inside, and the program was really good, it was Native Americans folk stories.

I have decided that next week to keep Rubber and Deepvoice from setting the library on fire to get my attention, I'm going to talk to them. Ask them if they need homework help, maybe make some new friends. I don't know. I saw something in them that I saw in myself, one time I was on the trolley, I saw the Gay Omens ( Another story for another time LOL.) I flipped out, and started acting extra crazy, trying to get them to notice me. I sat beind them, after I pulled out a emory board and started doing my nails on the trolley. In eye range, so they could be like," Oh yeah, he's hot and groomed he does his nails on the trolley." LOLOLOLOL (Good times Good times.) I used to be a hot mess, around other homos, but, now I'm less of a mess. I became less of a mess on my own, hopefully they can have me, or at least each other.

Finally some kids I can help in the library beyond their homework. ( Because there is no helping those ghetto 10-year-old girls who already have acryllic nails, weaves, and perms. Yapping extra loud about whose penis their tongue entertained, and how big this Rashid's is ,and how it taste. They have no class, as you can see.)(But I might want to meet Rashid. LOL)

Today Is Veterans Day, Let's honor our Veterans, and those who have lost Veterans.

Today I honor, Mr. Lot, and My G-mom Rose.


Let's try again tomorrow.-Mom

TRY WHAT!-Marz

-Marz

TOP MODEL THURSDAY

I am so glad that we acknowledgfed the gaybash/murder in class today. Lucas Dawson, was attacked by a group of five to seven teenagers, they started by calling him "faggot," and throwing a basketball at him. They began to jump him, and stomp him. He pulled out a pocketknife, and waved it around to scare them off. One of the boys continued to try and fight, and he got stabbed twice. Actually this part is kind of blurry. One story says that the bashers ran off when they saw the knife. However, one of the bashers continued to pursue Dawson, and he got stabbed a second time. ( The first time was in the jumping.) But the other story is, he stabbed him once, and then he stabbed him again, because the first time didn't seem to have any affect, because the basher continued to hit him. ( that last sentence was an extreme run on.LOL) Dawson was arrested, and charged for voluntary manslaughter, and wasn't able to leave prison, because he was unable to raise his 30,000.00 bail. But he was released today, because the murder was out of self-defense. He started carrying a knife, after being jumped four years ago, while kissing a male lover in a South Philadelphian park. Now, he fears for his life, because the other six bashers are still out there. He wants to get a gun permit, and is contemplating moving away.

My feelings: It's very scary. I don't have a pocketknfe to just carry and brandish at anytime necessary. I would have to get my mother's turkey carving knife to damage anyway. The thing that made me mad, is the way that many of the most homophobic students in my school, had nothing to say during the conversation.

The first comment was made in AP Chemisry," Yeah that boy, I saw him on the news, he sounded gay as shit," then the girl changes her voice to mimic his," I just want to get my life together."Then she says," He didn't even show any remorse for what he did." First off, he feels horrible about it, he said so in the paper. Secondly, it's comments like this that fuels homophobia. The whole time during the class, one of my lesbian classmates was screaming, "They didn't give me a freshman buddy, because I'm gay". ( for the senior buddy program) It was sort of funny, in her tone, and because she is a very funny girl. But I began to think, was she really discrimanated from mentoring one of the freshman, because, of her orientation.

But the real conversation was held in my Health Class. My teacher announces that she wants to have a discussion about the subject. Then she pulled out the Daily News for today. She first began with who thinks he should be charged for self-defense, and who thinks who shouldn't. Then she passed the paper around, all the girls said," Ohh he's cute," as soon as they saw the front cover. ( This sort of ticked me off too, would it matter if some, "fag" got bashed if he was a mud duck. WHY THE HELL IS THIS DAMN COUNTRY SO HUNG THE HELL UP ON LOOKS? Maybe they were just commenting on his physical appearance. Maybe I just need to go to Anger Managment classes. Who knows)

I went to read the article, but then one of my girlfriends says," Marcus she said we can't read it, we're supposed ot be passing it around." I obliged to her loud comment and passed it on. Then our teacher decides to read the article aloud. It is all a mess, his life is all turned upside down, over some jackasses.

We talked about how unfair it was in the fight. How the parents tried to make their son sound innocent. We had some very insightful conversation, about gay bashing, and my teacher hit it on the head.

" He started carrying a knife when he was jumped four years ago for kissing another man. There are heterosexual displays of affection everyday, homosexuals are entreated to the rights of the same puclic displays of affection without being targetted for hate crimes. " I love how when she speaks on the subject she makes homosexuality seem normal, rather than a mutation or something, like some other teachers do. We hit some really good points, " If someone is comfortable with who they are then they shouldn't be attacked for being, unlike you". (She did it again not establishing homosexuality as abnormal, but as unlike heterosexuals orientation.) The whole time as I sat there, I was just waiting for someone to say something ignorant. That way I could smack them with some words. I also, was staring at this one particular boy. He tells the lesbians that," Being gay is an abomination," and he can help them change. As he focuses his hands on his dick. FORNICATION IS AN ABOMINATION IS IT NOT?

(I won't go into the bible company and their shady translations of the sacred book.)

I could see on his face, like he wanted to say something like," That's what he deserves," but the whole room was going the other way in opinions. Also, some of his friends told him off for judging one of their friends, who is in the closet with a glass door. (Not me LOL)

I didn't like how someone asked," How did they (the bashers) know he was gay?", then the whole room went into how you can just tell. Because, he probably was switching, or he probably was this, or that. The teacher brought them back in and told them off about stereotyping people, the hetero kids, believe that all gays are flamboyant. THEY HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN. The first dude who hit on me had a couple cheerleaders, was on the basketball team, and was the wet dream of many girls. ( and boys for that matter.LOL)

The conversation finally got away from the main point, and we found ourselves discussing corrupt cops who shoot more than authorized. I WANT THE ISSUES TO BE SEEN FOR WHAT THEY ARE.

Ignorance cannot be addressed, if it stays in the shade of closed minds.-Marz

The most opinionated people in the school all of a sudden don't have an opinion. Just say what you feel, so we can address it. Or maybe they knew deep inside it was wrong so they kept it to themself.

I HOPE I NEVER END UP NEEDING A POCKET KNIFE.

But oh wait, I wish I had one at lunch. I sat at the computer doing homework. I was IMming my friend, who was sitting next to me ( it was so stupid.LOL).
Then the stupid boy who last month, confronts me in the hallway, and says,"Marcus is a faggot, I ought to kick his gay ass." I didn't even address him, I walked by him, and he just stood there yelling, " Yo he's gay", to the sophomores, and freshman. They're laughing, and whatever, but do I care about anyone in this school. (Especially '08, and '09. No offense, but they are the worst classes ever.) If he wanted to fight he would've thrown a fist as I walked past. Correct? He knows better.


The boy comes up next to me, and he says," Yo," then he points to one of his dumb straight friends, "He said he likes you." I give him a thumbs up sign, and say, "That's nice". This is a really old trick, the dumb heteros gather around, choose one to act"gay". Then they tell the fake gay, to tell someone who is gay or they suspect to be gay, they like them, or want to have sex, or something like that. If you're like,"Ohh he likes me," and seem all interested. They gather together, and start screaming, "yo he gay as shit," and other obscenities, it's amusing to them. I don't get the joke, does anyone else get it?


Anyway, the boy keeps asking me what I said about the boy who ( supposedly)likes me. I repeat "that's nice" twice. Then he says to the heteros something about me liking the fake gay, or wanting to give him head. They get a good laugh, call me the uncreative name ( Faggot), then he throws a quarter at me, and missed. I can't stand dumb straight boys, they are like watching gorillas play in their manure. These specific boys will be going to jail, no doubt about it. Wouldn't I love to call them a faggot after they get turned out, hell while it's happening. Bring the pictures to the high school reunion.LOL. I think I'll fight one before graduation, everyone confronts someone before they leave high school. I want every little thing off my chest. I ONLY NEED ONE HIT TO HIS JAW.( I sound like the men in the barbershop last week.LOL) ( Damn can't I drag a story out.)









On to less serious matters......



















What is wrong with the girls on that show. Why did Lisa urinate in that diaper to get the attention of some man? ( He was cute though.) Let's get to the pictures, because that's all I was able to get to, due to some occurences.


Jayla, I was so mad when Tyra yelled," Because we're going to London". I don't like Jayla, because, of what she did to Nik, and how she called her a, "stupid, stupid bitch". I wanted her to go home so bad. Doesn't her face look exactly like the blow up doll. But I'll forgive her, even though she hasn't made any attempts to reconcile her actions with Nik. I don't know her, and therefore I can't judge her. She is a great role model, she was raised a Jehovah's Witness, and she is so far out there. YEAH THAT'S GOING TO BE ME BABY. LOL ( I'm not a Jehovah's Witness, but my parents do live in this Christianity cult.)

Ms. Bre picture looks really good. I have become fond of her, especially after watching last weeks recap episode. She has a good heart, and notions. But, she is trying to be something she isn't. Where has her accent gone? Why is she trying to be perfect? I'm sure she didn't miss the memo, that no one but Jesus was and will be. She is not doing a good job of covering herself with the towel. LOL HMMM I think she will do good, once she gets her real personality in check. But the fact is, there are only about four episodes left, so it comes down to will she win? NO. But Tyra can't just crown Nik. LOL

HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE. Ms. Kim has been doing well for herself lately, and I think she has a chance at winning. She definitely knows who she is. ( Except for her gender confusion. LOL) Those screams she was letting out were irksome, and she held them for a couple seconds.








Who exactly are these wild boys? I don't have cable so can someone clue me in.LOL

Lisa's face is so scary in this picture, she was losing her mind last night. But she just has so much personality, spunk and pizazz. Yet, she looks really old, I don't know. She has what it takes to be ANTM, in her personality, and her photos. But her older looking face, might make it difficult.












Last we have Nik, I know I have been tap dancing on her coochie. ( Female version of dick riding. LOL) But I really like her, but she hasn't shown any real personality. Her pictures made her look like she wasn't black. I don't like her hair straight, can we throw some water on her perm. OH NO WAIT, Then it would be all messed up. Tyra said that her film was really good. This is something that has caught my attention lately. Don't the judges see the film before they put it up as their "best photo"? Then why do they act so surprised or horror stricken when it's up there on the screen. They just should have their commentary on paper, that way, they don't have to waste their voices on the worthless girls.

I also love how Tyra always tries boost their self-esteem before, she crushes it totally. " I have ( whatever number left) beautiful women before me." In the back of her head she is saying, except for the trick whose picture is last.

That was wrong.

I now think that the contest is between.

KIM: Because she is different, she has her own thing happening.

NIK: Because she is my If-I-were-straight, and her pictures are hot. She needs to find or buy a personality quick though.

LISA: She has personality, great pictures, and would make a very great impression of Tyra and the crew, ( When she's not drunk that is.LOL)


WHO WILL WIN? I don't have a clue, but, when Top Model is off, what will I wriet about ON thursdays. ( Oh no, people will have to read about me.LOL)

My ANTM commentary has been so flat lately.

IF ONLY A CERTAIN HUMAN WOULD LEARN THE SKILL OF BEING ON TIME THEN I COULD SEE THE WHOLE EPISODE.

-Marz

LAZY

I don't really feel like posting today, even though I have so much to write about.

PLEASE DISREGARD MY LAST POST. I WAS IN A REALLY WEIRD PLACE WHILE WRITING IT.

It's one of those posts that should stay in the editted section. LOL


Smiles, smirks, and giggles to you all.

-Marz

¿¿Is there a difference??

Is there a difference between Africans, and African Americans?

I have asked this question many times before, to other people. Some say," Yes they are the same, we are all from the same place." Others, "No they are totally different from us."

I feel as though the two are not similar, because, Africans are less ignorant of their cultures, ways, and beliefs. Us as African Americans trying to clutch onto some type of definition of our culture, has basically created the ghetto. Because to not be ghetto, is to be white.

( You may disagree, but then why is someone who acts civilized called white. Let's not begin.)


However, we are of African descent, but me and my sister descend from the same vagina, and we are nothing alike. I don't know exactly , I have mixed feelings about it.

The reaon why I am asking this question again, and to the blog world. Is because, in Southwest Philly there is this huge uproar. A Liberian family who just came to America around two months ago, form a refugee camp. Their son Jacob Gray, was jumped by thirty people on Halloween, and some of the assaultants were grown. The reason why, isn't being told. But the media is saying that he told that one of the students at his school, were using marijuana. The media, is also trying to suggest that there is a war in Southwest Philadelphia, between the many types of immigrants that settle in this part of the city. They say that he was jumped because he is African. The African Americans saw them as different, and they beat him up as a hate crime to a different race. The media makes it seem like Africans are better than African Americans and we truly are this horrid race. They are twisting it to seem as though, we cannot even get along with our own people. But even though I want o disagree, and scream in outrage, it's mostly all true.


Southwest Philly, is home to basically African Americans, Africans, Asians, and people from the Caribbean. ( By the way, the sexy Jamaicans moved. TEARDROPS.) There have been several verbal,and physical attacks on the immigrants. Because, let's face it, the dumb black kids, are stupid. They don't know how to act, and they show their lack of home training, by attempting to go to jail early. ( Not saying all black kids go to jail, but many in my neighborhood will.)


He was admitted to Children's Hospital with brain swellings, and internal bleeding from being stomped. The media is having a frenzy focusing on the," poverty stricken African Americans" in Southwest Philly. I hate when I'm represented a certain way, because, one person ( or I guess technically thirty people) did something. I LOVE ALL RACES.



I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, WHY CAN'T WE ALL GET ALONG?

-Marz

Random Craziness 2

This morning I woke up, and I just felt like being dressy. Instead of my usual ( sometimes unironed) uniform polo, black Dickies or khakis, and my shelltops Adidas( which are beyond dicked.) I am wearing a nice striped black and white shirt, under my uniform tan t-shirt, with black writing. I am wearing some nice dress slacks, with a pair of shoes.

Everyone keeps asking," Where are you going?"," Ohh, You got a date?", " You going to a job interview?", then somone snickers silently enough to hear," Going out to a gay club?" No. I just felt like dressing up today, and I must say I look nice. Why must others hate, because, I decided to different today.


Is it just me, or are they advertising for Christmas extra early. Thanksgiving hasn't even passed yet. I need to get a Christmas list together, I love the winter, and the drama that ensues with the holidays. LET THEM BEGIN.

This weekend was so, interesting. My father went to visit my G-mom Thelma( the one with breast cancer) . Three months after she was diagnosed with cancer, he wants to show up and act like everything was alright. He was extra mad, because, she cursed him out, and called him some names, and now his self-esteem is kind of low. AWWW. I wish my mother would try to launch a verbal assault on my esteem, I love her and all, but oh no. He took out his anger on his family like he usually does. Yesterday, he was yelling at all of us, and being more rude than he usually is," Move" instead of " Excuse me". I was almost at my limit.


By the way, my grandmother's cancer is in remission, at least that's what we think. As I have sadi so many times, she lies a lot about her health. She told my father that she was just going to get her breast cut off, and she had finished all her radiation sessions. A minute later, on the answer machine, a doctor is saying," You missed your radiation seesion scheduled today." So who knows what's happening with her.

We went to church, were I am no longer involved mentally, I am just thinking more about God than the religion being professed to me.

As we all know, my father threw his back out, and he had a muscle spasm. He was doing too much and wouldn't rest, and it caught up to him. He was complaining about having to drive the SEPTA bus while his back hurt, and they went on strike. While on strike, him and my mother talked to the pastor a lot. Because, the pastor is an older black man, and he can give my father advice for his health. My father was in church yesterday, since SEPTA is on strike and he didn't have to drive a bus. ( If you didn't know now you do)

At the end of the service the pastor says," Brother, come address the church and tell what the lawd has done for you."

My father gets up in front of the church, and says this corny joke. Then he begins to tell how he hates his job, he doesn't have a life, he's glad they are on strike it gives him time to rest. Then he goes on to, how the people on the bus act, how stressful the job is, and throughout his little speech, he is apologizing for the strike like he organized it. Then his last statements were the worst, I was already through with him," You know, us as black men, we try hard to provide for our families, and they are so ungrateful." You should have heard the tone on ungrateful, I was about to smack him in the head with a bible, knock the devil out. WHO IS UNGRATEFUL? What does he provide, like he is the only one working. The damn roof is collapsing, the house is colder than it is outside. ( We have heat, but it's on 62 degress, and my father always says," It's warmer than 30.") ( Dumb prick)

I looked at my mother, and she had a fake smile on, and I could see her eyes burning, she was pissed. The whole while the congregation is just," Amen brother, the families are ungrateful of the black men and what we do".

HE PISSES ME SO FAR OFF WITH HIS BOO HOO I'M A BLACK MAN LINES.

Grow up DAMN.

All my life, him and his friends telling me how hard my life will be because, "One day you'll be a black man". Do I need that verbatim presented to me, discouraging me from being something great. Why push me to do well in school then, if I won't be anything because," The white man rules the world."

He said more, but as usual, I tuned him out. After church my sister, mother, and I ran to the car, and went on a mini-shopping spree all the while discussing his behavior in the church. My mother was livid, (SAT word right there. LOL) she was saying how she was so mad at him. We dropped my sister off, and I counseled my mother on her issues with him, and we vented together.

I HOPE I NEVER, EVER GET STUCK WITH SOME MAN LIKE MY FATHER. I will have to cut him. Not saying he doesn't have his good qualities, but they are in the shade of the dark obstruction which contain his issues.

This weekend I used my Visa card. I was extra hype in Old Navy ( My most favorite store ever), with these wonderful jeans, and thes two long sleeve polos that one would match with something I had at home. I got to the cashier, and went to use my card, I swiped it, and put in my pin. " Your card is declined", came from the cashiers' mouth, my face shattered. " Do you have another card?" I had to not only put back the clothes, but I was so embarassed, but then I wasn't. I put in my check on Friday and they had failed to process it into my account by Saturday. But, I was still mad at how I couldn't get those clothes.

There was a slew of older women giving me ,"THE EYE" this weekend. I was like," What are you looking at?" One of the women in the supermarket, actually curved her neck to view my ass. EWWW. (I'm 16 honey, go rob another cradle boo boo, and rob one that doesn't have a rainbow interior. LOL) At work there are always the grown women, acting a little overly friendly. OH NO. They definitely have the wrong one. But then again I don't blaim them, you have to get them young and train them right. ( I guess I need training. LOL) They see that I have a job, I'm respectful, and material that they could shape into something worthwhile. Butmy clay is for males hands only.

Also, there was a boy today who came to up to me in the library. " Excuse me Sir, do you work here?" I am sixteen being called sir. That wasn't even the bad part," Do you know what Dragonball Z is?" Do I look that old, that I wouldn't know what Dragonball Z is?

Terrell Owens has been fired, many Philadelphians are in outrage," Now we won't go to the superbowl". As if we were going to win, how many years has it been now? Others," He acted like this when he played for San Francisco what did they expect." He didn't get aloing with Donovan ( the QB), and he fought a member of the team the other day. He was always out of line and acting crazy, and the only reason why people feel as though he is so great, is because, " He took us to the Superbowl man." WHATEVER. Now the team will have to pull together more, especially having lost their last two games. Most of the players are all busted up anyway, Donovan's shoulder isn't healed, and he is playing through the pain. But then again, I am usually at church when football is on. I don't know all the facts, and all I hear is the newscasters comments in the morning.

I WANT TO SEE HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE SO BAD. I am so mad that I had to be chosen to live with two mi andnisters as parents. I can't see Mr. Potter because, of witchcraft, and blah, blah, blah, and all the other mess they say. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT GOBLET IS THE BEST BOOK IN THE SERIES. But I am tempted to just go see it, and not announce it. I did smuggle all six boo0ks into the house undetected. HMMM. ( Devilish grin)

P.S. I was given the okay to attend the 70's skating party. Now I have to find a hot outfit, there is a cash prize for the most authentic costume. The pictures are going to be so chaotic. ( The new word I'm trying out to replace, "fierce", it's to overused.) But then again, there will be some drama, becuase my mother seemed out of it when she gave me permission to go. So, the night of the party she'll ask," Where are you going?", and I'll tell her the party, and she'll say," I didn't say you could go to a party." It has happened so many times before, I'll ask again tomorrow, just to be double sure.




-Marz

Define: Spirituality

Throughout our lives we are constantly defining ourselves. We define our sexuality, how we want to look physically, how we represent ourselves in clothes, and many other things. But, many don’t define themselves spiritually. I was (and still am) raised in a strict Christian household, were rules’ lead everything. Almost everything is considered sin, which therefore, buys you a ticket to hell. In the past few months, I have begun to reevaluate myself spiritually, to better define myself.


Religion is what I was born into, beliefs based on past, and what people( ministers) have said. These little rules, keep women from coming to church unless they are wearing a dress, or a covering on their head. Me from getting my ears pierced, because, I will then be a slave to the devil. And most definitely, keep people from acknowledging they are attracted to the same sex. Because, it is abnormal, a spirit, or a generational curse. Separating the Christian religion from Jesus is very hard., Seeing as Jesus life is the basis of being a Christian, which means Christ-like. ( Or so I’m told)

What do I believe?

I know that Jesus died for me on the cross for my sins. I know that, the events in the bible did take place, and that God is real. ( Yall though I was going to put that India Arie song there right?)( It’s here instead LOL) But there are so many other things to be covered in this redefinition.


What is sin?

Sin in the bible is listed in many lists. From the ten commandments to the works of the flesh in Galatians. My new definition of sin, is anything done not out of love, or unlovingly. It covers so much, of what the bible was talking of. Also, Jesus was the greatest example of love, and showing it towards people.

Other basics of being a Christian are the bible, ministers preach from the bible saying God himself wrote it. God didn’t pick up a pen and paper, he had great influences on the flow and direction that the bibles’ story goes into. Yet he didn’t write anything. Most, of the new testaments are letters written to the different heads of churches in different countries, telling them how to be Christians. Because before Jesus died, everyone ( except the Jews) was condemned to hell automatically, because, they were the Gentiles. I don’t like the fact that there is different versions of the bible, the most sacred book in the world ( at least to me). Their shouldn’t be a King James Version, New King James Version, New International Version, and an Amplified Version. How can such a reverent book be defiled like this? Translating things to fit the thoughts and feelings of people is wrong. With each revision something is lost, and something new is gained. Therefore wrong teaching are resonating in the pulpits, spreading seeds of life, which are really ignorance, that grow in the hateful hearts of man. Rescripting the bible, is like changing the words in, Their eyes were watching God, or Push to proper English. So much would be lost that way.

Many preachers fail to realize who wrote what, I have heard people read the 51st Psalm, as if God wrote it condemning people. When David wrote it, after having his affair with Bathsheba, then murdering her husband in the war. They read Pauls’ words as if they were God’s, when they aren’t. The most important words in the bible are in red ( Jesus words), but since things are added and taken away on a daily basis. Who knows what they have left Jesus to be saying now?

Church

Every Sunday since I was conceived and taking nutrients from my umbilical cord, I have been going to church. My father is a deacon, and my mother is an evangelist. Other members in my family have roles that differ from, usher to bishop, and so on. In church, things are said that growing up you are expected to accept, and not question. Things are said, and they are set in stone. But the stone reads French, and you can barely understand Bonjour. I don’t believe that you need a church to reach God, if he is everywhere why do we need to congregate together to reach him. When he is outside or at home. We are told to not object to anything the minister is saying, because," Touch not my anointed, and do my prophet no harm". You are constantly told the story of the children God struck dead for making fun of the prophets in the Old Testament. I believe that most preachers, are just teaching their own reflections upon the bible. And because, some saints are too lazy to read themselves, they accept what is prepared for them. But living a life, with questions unasked, is living in ignorance. Why should you continue to do something in the dark? Isn’t Jesus the way, the truth, and the light? Shouldn’t we be able to see what we’re doing, and have a full understanding of proper protocol?

Satan and demons

I know that the devil is real, I’ve heard him in my ears telling me to do wrong things. I also know that there are evil spirits, as well as there are angels. However, everything isn’t of the devil, and everything doesn’t have a demon wrapped around it. I am not allowed to do so many things, ( really anything at all) because, "I will catch a demon", according to my parents. They live their lives as. "the worlds most boring people", because, every thing," opens their soul to evil influences". Now, yes, if you are doing certain things something will crawl on you. But going to a poetry slam, will not give me an anger demon, and seeing a Brazilian drum troupe, will not get me involved in witchcraft.


I have begun to ask my mother questions about certain things concerning the bible and our religion. She stares at me, because they are questions that Keith Boykin would pose. " Mom, Paul says in the bible that women aren’t supposed to be ministers, but you’re one. Does that mean that you’re going to hell for being disobedient to the bible?" She answers no, I say very sarcastically," I find it funny, that we as Christians only follow certain rules in the bible. Are some more important than the others?" She gives me these looks, like I just announced I’m the Antichrist (I’m not. LOL). The other day at a Chinese restaurant as I waited for our Shrimp Lo Mein, I said," How can you a Christian woman, support Buddhists in their evil lifestyles?" ( I don’t feel this way at all about Buddhists, but according to my religion, anyone that isn’t a Christian, or have the same denomination as us, is going to hell.) ( Also, I know all Asians aren’t Buddhist, but these ones were.) (Don’t want any mean comments. LOL) My mother replies," I am not supporting their beliefs, I am buying food". My comeback was, "Well, seeing as they make a profit off your buying, and they are Buddhist. I would say that you are supporting them to live, they live their lives as Buddhist and they probably use some of the money from your buying in worshiping their God. Which therefore supports their religious beliefs, and you are supporting Buddhist, who are going to hell. Aren’t we Christians? Shouldn’t we be condemning them to hell?" My mother got really angry and started saying," I am getting tired of you verbally attacking me every chance you get."


Maybe I am verbally attacking her, maybe it’s just the lawyer in me, or maybe it shows how religious beliefs can be put on hold, when they are in minister school, or getting a chicken&broccoli platter.


For the last few weeks, I have sat in church and just watched. I am no longer into the service, hanging off every word that whoever says. I am a spectator, and I am finding so many things wrong. I know God is real, and that he visits these tabernacles of praise, but, certain things don’t agree with my spirit. And I will no longer make myself try to make them agree, because, of my upbringing.


I want to experience Jesus, without the rules of the church. I want to feel as though the bible isn’t set up as a crumbling house, plunging into the abyss. But my foundation is cracked up, and each week in church with me redefining ,my spirituality, I am starting to deteriorate my old foundation altogether. But, I feel as though I need a break from these falling building blocks in church each week. I need to establish something real for myself, because, after a while false teachings, and scare tactics to live right(according to pastors doctrine) are seen for the transparent layer, standing in between you and your maker that they really are. You realize you have been living a lie, and living in a lie.


I AM REDEFINING MY SPIRITUALITY, AND WHAT I BELIEVE.

Merriam&Webster’s job is so hard. LOL

Jesus=Christianity
Christianity=religion
Jesus=religion

SOMEWHERE THE LOGIC IS WRONG.

-Marz

BARBERSHOP

I"ve started to get haircuts every two to three weeks, and when I'm there it is always a laugh.

Yesterday, I go into the barbershop, after going to the bank with my mother. I go inside and sit down, and they are of course watching BET, on the big plasma screen. The washgirl comes over and is like, "heyy... come on." We go to the back of the barbershop, passing all these thugs, hustlers, and other people. Since the last time I was in, they now have a soda machine, and a table to play cards on. I sit down in the chair to get my hair washed. The washgirl talks about how she needs to lose some weight, she is starting to get big, and the men are like," Girl, you just need a good workout". All the while, giving her sexual smiles, and glancing at her body. She was like," You're right I need to join a gym", " Naw girl, you need a GOOOD SWEATY workout". ( What about me? I'll be your workout partner.) She began to lather my head, and she washed it, then she lathered again, and she is scrubbing my head like I have lice or something. Alicia Keys," Unbreakable" comes on, and a room full of thugged out black men, start singing a love song. I was like," wow," it was like something that happens in DISNEY movies, and it was so cute to me.

When she went to lather my head for the third time, ( I felt so dirty, or maybe she was just being thorough, I wash my hair everyday.) this older man got really angry. He started yelling obscenities," Faggot ass", this and," faggot" that. I felt like I was ninth grade again. LOL. The whole barbershop erupted into," yall do this every week"," yall niggas need to chill", "yall old as shit, raising your pressure like that." Since my head is back getting washed, I can't see a thing but the roof. Two of the men were going to fight, over something. The patron who was going to fight, went into a corner and started shooting craps, while mumbling things. ( You know how men think they can fight so well, talking of what they'd do to the other.) She finally finished washing my hair, and takes me to her chair. She dries my little bit of hair, and then brushes it. Then the barber that cut my hair last time ( POP) said to her," Brush it more'. She brushed my hair for like five minutes, and then he was finished with his cousin. I got in the chair, Pop asks," You looking for a 24-year-older right?" to the washgirl, referencing his cousin. ( He had bit of a belly, dark skin, working class man.) She looks at the man and laughs out," I'm cool". I felt bad for her, she has to work with a bunch of men all day, and have them staring at every little thing she has. ( She has some curves.)( Oh wait, some doesn't really acknowledge her curvaceousness.LOL)

Pop puts the cape and whatever else on, and then he starts. Meanwhile, the two men are arguing again. The older patron was saying," When you get done cutting his head we gon' box". He went into, what he's going to do, and how he's going to do that, and how hard he hits. (Intimidation tactics) My barber is like," Yall niggas is too old, to be fighting." Then he starts instegating, "You should put the gloves on, that way you can tear him up." The older man starts talking about how he's not worried about him. The barber ( that the older man was going to fight) is yelling,"Man shut the hell up", and the man is yelling,"man you a bitch, you let a girl hit you".

Back to my cut, Pop is sexy, and his hands are so soft. ( I would love to feel them clutching my dick. LOL)(Too much?) He was wearing the same thing he was wearing last time I was there. (My memory is so excellent, it's scary.) He asks," Wassup man, I ain't seen you in a while. How long has it been?" " Like three weeks", I say in the base voice.(LOL) He goes on to say it couldn't have been three weeks. I guess because other men come in every day, and I'm only there every two or three weeks. He started talking to this girl (I think was his cousin), about how the man who was sitting in the chair in front of us had his bad odor. He started spraying some hair stuff, over my left shoulder, so I'm squirming over as to not get this stuff on me, and he grabs my shoulder firmly, and is like." Chill out, ain't nothing in there". It was too sexy. Then he says," So wassup man".

When black men say this or ask how you're doing, they don't care. ( sometimes they might though) But, they want a comment like," Same shit, different toilet", or" out here trying to make that paper". Something like that, especially since, barbers are some of the most hustling people you will ever meet. Now if I was getting my cuticles hooked up, I would go into work, school, and whatever, because Mama Kim cares, ( or at least appears to care. LOL) When I'm in the barbershop, I have to butch it up, everything is deep voice and whatever.
"Chilling". " You chillin man, that's wassup." I don't talk too much, cut my hair, and let me leave.

I know I don't fit in with many aspects of the barbershop. (They don't know that, but I do.) King magazines lying askew, BET or SportCenter on, the whole persona it isn't me. But I love the testosterone, floating in the air. ( Someone, should make that an active ingredient in some colgne, it would be so hot.) The older man goes outside, and is sparring with himself, while two gamblers are talking about betting on a football game. Then one of the men says," Pick my team for me man, you want some money, take some please", then he grabs his pocket, his thick stack protruding from holding his jeans closer to his leg. Even if they were all dollar bills, he probably still had a thousand on him. I don't know, but I was like, let me take another look at him. I KNOW I'M A GOLDIGGING HOE. It isn't good at all. (LOL)

The older man comes back in, he begins yelling at the barber. The barber is yelling back, everyone is like," just fight already." You could tell they were the type that just talked for hours, about what they would do. But they never do, or would fight. That got all the men on the topic of fighting. " Man you remember when I...." started everyones sentences for the next ten minutes. Recapping on who they hit, how hard they hit them, who they bobbed an weaved on. etc. I was all too through.

"Man you got beat up by a girl," yells the older man, and the whole barbershop is saying," put on the gloves man". " Man don't let him punk you, cuz you short." ( They were talking to the cute, short Rican barber, with his burly pop belly and phat bootay.)( That's right he gets an a on that booty.LOL) Pop comments to me," You see them old niggas, dat's crazy man". I am just laughing at the men, and their craziness, but not to hard, because he was doing my hairline. HE HOOKED MY HAIR UP. Once again, I like him. But there is one problem, he is always wearing a hat, my old barber is always joking," Take off your hat Pop," so he can show off his hairline, or lack of one. It does not look good if you are a barber, and your hair is a mess. I hate when I watch shows like Ambush Makeover, and the host needs the makeover themselves. ( That black girl needs a perm, I don't care what you say) If your hair is on point, then it will show your craftsmanship, and get you more heads. ( Maybe I'm wrong.)

He got done, I popped my glasses on, and MY WORD. Yes. I think I deserve to be a 7 now. LOL. I payed him, handshake, and I was out the door. There was this gang coming up the street I was about to go down. I had to decide whether I felt like getting jumped or, walk the long way. But if they already saw me ( which they did), then they would chase me, and a couple were on bikes. WHAT THE HELL. I just walked on past them, and they didn't do anything. I guess because, I do look older, who knows. THANK GOD I DIDN'T GET JUMPED.

I went home, and ran straight to the mirror, got my new glasses, and played top model. Making faces in the mirror, laughing at myself, posing for invisible cameras, I had fun with myself. I love the barbershop so much, the aura, the vibe, the entertainment, the sexy men, and of course the beautification I receive.

Next haircut, will be December I guess, who knows. Until then, I'll be missing that thug butch testosterone intoxication.



P.S. Doesn't the RENT movie look wonderful? I saw the commercial and was like I have to see that. But, I have to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, that was the best HP book. But since we are Christian and HP is of the devil ( parents words, not mine), I mine as well see RENT.



-Marz

CLASS RANK

My class rank is 40 out of 180. I think that's good, but everyone keeps saying," that's not bad".

If my class rank is 40 and I have a 3.8 then the people in fornt of me are blazing hot.

The valedictorian walked to school yesterday, because SEPTA is on strike. She lives in West Philly, my school is in North Philly. It took her an hour and a half to get here. That's dedication, that I don't wish to have for school. She is going to to be big. ( Maybe I should marry her) HMMM. LOL. NAW


-Marz

SKANK HOE

There is this skank hoe, who thinks she is better than my friends and I. Because, she is from the suburbs. She is going to get her ass kicked the next time we all collide.


( Of course I won't be fighting, that's not right.)

STORY


I am involved with this program, that takes children from the "inner city", and children from the suburbs. ( Guess which group I'm in?) And put us together, and we are supposed to work together on commuity service projects, to better our communities, but the service is on a unified theme. The theme is Domestic Violence, it is very close to my heart. Because I was a victim of domsetic violence, and have viewed it on several occasions in my childhood.

The bus came to our school, which is in the hood, and all the kids are on the bus. There are a group of Caucasian girls, a group of black girls, and then there are three black boys. ( One was sexy, one was cute, and one had a face not even a mother could love.) WE go to the City Year headquarters, and as soon as we walk in, I greet the City Year folks. And one of the girls was extra loud, I walked off and she basically screams, " He is so cute". ( WHOA, i think that bumps me up to a 7. I'm a sevfen now, YAYYYY) I sat down next to one of my friends, and they started talking about this girl. I don't believe in talking about people, who you don't know. I told them they shouldn't talk about her, because, we don't know her all like that.

The day went on, and she began to IRK THE HELL OUT OF MY SOUL. It started when we were having a group discussion about verbal domestic abuse. She stood up and said, that she has love for herself, and that no matter what someone says, it doesn't matter, because she loves herself. Then she turns around the room to get everyone's elses eyes, and says," I know that sounds gay" ( With handquotes around the gay). Alright, but I know how people use that word wrong all the time. But I was pissed by that.

There were four rows in the room, the first row was the black kids from the other school. The middle two rows, were my school, and the back row was the white girl. I was like, " well, damn is there no integration at their school". Then I said kind of loud," Jim Crow", maybe I was wrong, who knows. I got up to get a marker, and when I went back to my seat, I went to walk through the white girl row, and I had to say," excuse me", three times, and they only lowered their legs a little. Then they wanted to get pissed when I bumped into their legs.

Alright, lunchtime comes, and I go and used my new credit card, I was so hype. When I swiped it, and signed my name. LOL. I was also proud of myself, because in the old days, I would've pigged out. I would've gotten a fattening hoagie, with a big bag of chips, soda, and three different types of candy. But I got, a light hoagie, some Green Tea (I am becoming addicted to it.), and this prepackaged snack of cheddar cheese, grapes, and crackers, (and winterfresh of course, I'm addicted to it.). I was so happy, that I am making healthy eating choices. We get back, and there is friction between the suburban black girls, and my crew. They think because they live wherever, they are better than us. And they were acting stank. BITCHES YOU NEED TO TAKE A BATH.

The main one was the girl I said don't talk about. Her other friends, had no sense of individuality at all. They all loooked like her, talked like her, she was obviously the leader. I don't hang in groups with followers, all my frineds are strong-willed leaders, and we are all so unique together. ( Of course I am, I'm the only boy. LOL) We had this other activity we did, where we read these accounts of people being abused, and we had to define. How they were abused? How we could help them? And other things like that. Everytime, my group said something, the black suburban girls had to say something. My friends, and I are all from the ghetto, they were ready to fight. They were saying," If them bitches have something the fuck to say. They need to say it aloud, don't whisper." They weren't loud, and I didn't want a fight to break out. I was like,"Calm down, damn, we're here trying to stop domestic violence".


The SKANK HOE, thought, because she matched she looked good. NO. Got that mismacthed weave in your ponytail, and it's still short. Let's not get me there. Then the City Year people asked," What would you do, if you saw a fight about to happen?" In the hood, you don't do anything ( which is sad, because I have needed some help before.) One of the girls from the white group says," The police are there to protect us, I would call the police." You know that's nice and all. But where I live. I have been caught as a body ( jumped) in front of the police station, with dozens of cops standing around. There was a church across the street from the fire station, that caught on fire, and burned down. ( I am not lying at all.) Then one of my girlfriends, acknowledged that in the ghetto, the police don't come. She was reluctant at first," I'm not going to say it", but then she just came out with it." There's a difference between Yo this is Rashid, and hlep Bob's in trouble". The black girls started to whisper, whisper whisper. SPEAK BITCH SPEAK. If you can't say it at hearing volume, it's not worth saying. WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR BREATH?

When we were leaving my friends were going to beat her down, I kept the peace. If SKANK HOE, or her friends were left in the hood, they would be beatup everyday. Now, I'm not a hoodrat, thug, or whatever, but I know where I'm from, and I have my life lessons intact. On the bus she was whispering, and giving eye signals, and whatever. The whole group was acting crazy to be in Center City, I was like, Damn is it really that serious. Screaming," happy new year", out the window. We got to our school, and when we go to get off, they start laughing, and booing, and calling us punks.

BITCH WHY DO YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL WE GET OFF THE BUS BEFORE YOU SPEAK?

Who knows what will happen next time, but she better watch her back. Because without me around, they will get her. And I may have to get my words ready.

She is a worthless piece of life to me.

I don't like how, these children think they are better than us, becase they live in some suburb. YOU STILL LOOK LIKE SHIT. Money doesn't make you look nice, you can shop at Lord& Taylor all your life, and I can still outdress you from the thrift store( and that is fact.) Looking like the pink Powerpuff girl. Everyone who went, just kept saying," I could see if it were the white kids, because of racism and whatever. But them bitches were black, acting like they better."

They must have failed to realized that their pigment level is equal or higher than ours. ( not saying it makes a difference), but , none of them weree even light-skinned to be trying to act like they were rich white kids.

But I would love to talk to that boy there, the cute one.

Oh yes, and one of the City Year men, he looked so exotic. From one of those tiny islands in Central America. He let his hair down and it was so shiny, and bouncy, and OMG. I love men with long, healthy looking hair.

My mother and G-mom have taught my female family to notice small things about men, because, and interpret them. ( I take all these lessons, and keep them with me)

The fact that he had the dedication to grow his hair out, and keep it clean, and take care of it, means something. That shows some of his qualities. All that from hair, maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so.

"Listen up girls," my aunt would say," when a male is approaching you, make sure you check his nails, hair, and shoes. They will show all about him".

( I have so many things to write about. But I have to go to Algebra 2 class, I love quadratic equations they are so easy.)

P.S. Gorgeous is laying on the couch, and his face is so adorable. He looks like a cute puppy. I WANT A DAMN PUPPY.

But they grow into dogs.LOL

-Marz

-Marz

El Dia de Los Muertos

Today is the day of the dead in Mexico.

They honor their dead family members, so that they will protect them in the year to come. I am going to honor my descendants today, because I think it is right.

Uncle Michael

I didn't know him at all. And from what my mother said, all I do know is that he was gay, and that he died from GRID. I wish he'd lived of course for my selfish reasons, of wanting to get to know him, and him giving me wisdom. It would be so cute to have my gay uncle take my into the fake Philly Village, and teach me how to shop, and be gay. LOL. I sometimes wonder where his soul resides, you know. Maybe the prejudiced ministers are right. He hasn't visited me in any dreams, but if he did I wouldn't know him right? HMM To miss someone you haven't met, is too deep to me.

POP-POP

My G-Pop Johnny was a light skin, tall, skinny man, from Blackwoods, Mississippi. He had curly gray hair, like an old Puerto Rican would. He had something wrong with his leg, so he walked with a limp. He died from Hepatitis (I think), all I remember, something happened to his liver. He used to drink normally and when he stopped, his liver reacted to not having the alcohol in his body, and his liver did something. I can't remember. He was one of those men, who every man lacking proper training or a father looked to. He was married to my grandmother, which must have been a difficult trial. ( G-mom Pastor is a tought woman to visit, let alone live with. LOL) When he died, many were upset, and distressed. My father took his place in the church as the head deacon, which my father took very seriously. He loved Pop-pop even though that wasn't his father, he was his father. I will always remember him patting me on the head, and telling me he is proud of my endeavors in school.

GRANDPA

I blame him for a lot of my issues. If he hadn't been such a bad parent, than my father wouldn't have been damaged, and he wouldn't have tried to damage me. BUT I'M INVINCIBLE. But then I think, well if my Grandpa acted the way he did. How was he treated by his father?

He was one of those men, who didn't believe in the furthering of women's rights. He was a drug dealer, pimp, and owned a cleaning business. He was addicted to heroine, and was a wife-beater, and child abuser. HE WAS A MESS. But he wasn't like that with me. I don't have many memories of Grandpa, before he went into the hospital for his diabetes. I remember one weekend, he took my sister and I. We spent the night over his house, and he gave us toys, and we had fun. We got to play with his mistress's grandchildren. ( Well, she wasn't a mistress anymore because my G-mom Thelma divorced him in the eighties.)

I don't know exactly what he died from. When he got the autopsy, the doctors said that they didn't know exactly what it was. He had been in the hospital for about four years, he didn't get up and lose the weight, with his diabeties, and my father watched him decay over that time. He lost his leg to the disease. But, the doctors were saying that he could've had AIDS, because as my grandmother says," He was the biggest whore this side of Broad Street." He gave her a STD, when she got pregnant with my father, which therefore, turned into cervical cancer. My father is a miracle baby, because, she was advised to abort him. My grandfather was a pimp to the end. At his funeral, there was a 30-something-year-old nurse crying over him. Like he died the night of their honeymoon. OH HELL NO. I swore I was going to go to her, and call her a whore. How desperate do you have to be, to find love in a hospital, with a womanizing, 400lb man who has one leg, and is 60? He didn't even have money. Go to a club, my lawd. ( Same difference though, right?)

Aunt Janice

She was one of those family members, that you aren't particularly close to. But when they die, you are still choked up inside, because, when you were around them, you had those really great times. I loved her dinners, she could cook. ( God I love Southern women cooking. I swear when I turn 19, I'm going to Georgia and I'm going to steal all the recipes from my older women kinfolk.) She died because, her kidneys shut down. My mother said it was because she drunk SLIMFAST. She wasn't getting enough nutrients, or something. Her daughters, went through some issues together, and they still haven't patched it all up. I hope they get back together.

CIARA

Ciara was the adopted daughter of my G-mom Pastor. My G-mom adopts children and then raises them, it's like a hobby I guess. She adopted my mother, but my mom is her niece and that's different. Anyway, she was considered as one of the family. She was always happy, but had her evil side. She was always fighting with my sister, but since she liked me ( romantically) she was nice to me. I remember the Sunday before she died, I walked her to the corner store, and she brought some Strawberry Sour Punch Straws. ( they are so good.) And as we walked back to the church, she was hugging everyone, and telling everyone that she loves them. And she was sharing her candy with the kids, which usually she didn't get along with. At her funeral, everyone said that her last words to them were," goodbye", or" I love you". It's like she knew she was going to die.

She died in my grandmothers house, my grandmother owns two rowhouses. She brought the one next door to her, and she tore down some of the wall, so there are doors between the two houses. The first house caught on fire, and the firemen couldn't get in the house. Someone had parked in front of the fire hydrant, and the firemen didn't break the window like they usually do. She was sleeping, in the house, and she died of smoke inhalation. It was weird, because, they said that night she was very calm,. and just went upstairs to bed. It was like a week before Easter, (which was truly traumatic) so she had layed on her bed, and had her Easter dress over her. Like she was trying to see how it would look in a mirror on the ceiling.

The news reported that the fire was caused from children playing in the basement. Which isn't true, my father says that it was wiring down there. But all Ciara's friends, saw the news, and everyone thought it was her brother K. K wasn't as popular as his sister, and people were threatening to jump him, and beat him up, because he killed his sister. He got chased home from school, and even adults were threatening him. It wasn't good at all, especially since he had just lost his house, and his sister. And that was only a year after my Pop-Pop's death. My G-mom stood strong like Black women do. I will miss her.

G-Mom Marva

This is my mother's biological mother, she died sometime this year. She had a nervous breakdown, and suffered from severe schizophrenia when my mother was young. Therefore, my mother and her sisters, and brothers had to be given to family members. My mother didn't really know about her, except for what people told her. She didn't really want to get in touch with her, because, she was happy living in her own world. She was happy with my G-mom Pastor being her mother, so I guess having to accept she had a real mother would be too much for her. My mother thought that she was the offspring of an affair with some man. Because she thought her mother was Marva Johnson, and her father last name was different. So she really didn't like her mother for being, the mistress, because she was told that her father was married.

He was married, to her mother. I guess she didn't take his last name, but, then my mother was exposed to the fact that she has a father that she has never met, and a whole family out there she doesn't know of. ( I could get hooked up with my cousin. EWWW.LOL) She wants to again stay with the realization that her father is my POP POP. I don't truly blame her, but I want to meet these people. I will find them. I told her that I am going to invite them to a Thanksgiving dinner when I'm older. She laughed, and told me to get outta here, but she knows I would, she gave me that look. I'm told I have her eyes, she had pretty eyes that changed with her mood. My eyes are really dark amber, and they are really pretty, and they have green and blue rings around the edges. But I have to be in the light since they are so dark. ( gotta get kissing range to view them. LOL)

One of my father's uncles died, but I never met him, so let's not go there.

That's about all.

I honor them, the experiences I've shared with them. The imprints they've left on my life. The DNA we share, or bonds. I miss them all for certain reasons or another. I have closure, and I know that everyone will die. There time has transpired and they are gone.

BUT IN MY MEMORY THEY WILL LIVE.

Today is the day of the dead, have you honored your deceased folks? Or better yet, taken time to honor your living relatives, friends, associates.

-Marz

Random Craziness

Penises are two shades darker than a man's regular complexion right? So what color are blue black mens' dicks?

LOL

(SHAKE YOUR BEHIND TO THE BEAT.)

I am back, and ready to learn. I was focused and I payed attention in school. I am so happy for me.

Today, was picture day, and being as my school is ghetto. They didn't announce it, and we get into the auditorium and the photographers are saying, " If you'd like to get a picture, than take this form and fill it out. You must have your money today". Who has 46.oo just to spend on some pictures? I know that my money is in the bank. My picture looked alright, it doesn't matter it will go in the yearbook as my junior year picture. My senior photo is going to be so viscious, it must be. I am going to have three different faces, and I will be getting some makeup. IT'S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN.

SEPTA is still on strike, and there is drama along with it. My father of course works for SEPTA and he has his fears of being poor. His old job told him, back in July that if SEPTA went on strike that he could come back and work, until SEPTA is off strike. Now he wants to go back, and they want him full time, even when SEPTA is off strike. He is considering quitting SEPTA ( which from what I heard they get paid $50.oo an hour), to work at a printing company. He hated that job back then, why would he leave somewhere he likes. They can't be on strike for too much longer, (God I hope not.)

¿¿¿GUESS WHAT???


I have a girlfriend, her name is LALA. LOL. Alright, yes I'm gay and whatever. But, she is a lesbian.( WOW that makes it better) She is one of the many sexually harassers of me, and whenever I see her in the hallway. We hug each other, than we walk arm in arm down the hallway. ( I'm usually escorting her to the class she's cutting.) She told me Saturday that I was her boyfriend, and today we walked down the hallway and proclaimed our relationship to the world. The reasons why she says we can be together is," You like boys, and I like girls." Of course I'm a slight bit offended, (but I'm not some aspiring butch negro LOL.) She said that in front of some of our junior friends, and they were like, " Marcus you better not be liking any boys, or having sex with them." I wish. LOL We are going to be together for a while, I can feel it. LOL. I am so crazy, in a fake relationship with a lesbian. But we should definitely go to prom together, that would be exclusive.LOL


Gorgeous, play hit me on my jaw today. I was going to chase him down and punch him in his ass. (Too much?) But, I had chemistry. Later, on in the day I saw him again but he ran, he got smart with me, and got really close. Then he smiled and was like," oh wait, you were supposed to hit me back right?" Then he took off. I stood there admiring his ass. Since, he is a skinny heifer boy, he has one of those high, firm butts, that basketball players have. HE MAKES ME SO MAD. I HATE HIM. I want to adopt children with him. LOL. I'm going to knock the daylights out of him tomorrow. Maybe start a nudge match, last year for a couple months, we would bump shoulders when we passed each other in the hallway. HMMM. I am too sprung over him, isn't he straight?

I was thinking today, that if there are 700 students at my school. Ten percent of them are statistically gay right? Therefore, there are 70 gay students at my school. Now let's suppose that sixty percent are lesbians than, there are 42 lesbians. ( Which I think there is around that number, maybe a little lower.) Which leaves 38 gay boys right? Well I guess we have to factor in the bisexuals, and maybe the transgendered. But still there should be at least 19 gay boys in the school besides me. Right? WHY IS MATH BEING SO MEAN TO ME? I love math and it doesn't return the emotion. Maybe I should've went to CAPA (Creative and Performing Arts high school.) The math there is on point. LOL

I also decided today, that when I come out at school next year. I am going to buy this shirt that reads," I ( heart sign) cock". It's going to be so funny, maybe not. But we'll see, next year is going to be so dramaful.

I have a credit card, I got it in the mail today. I opened up my own account, it was under my mother's name before, because I was 15. But now I have my own, savings and checking. I am confused though, the card wasn't supposed to come until I had $50.00 in the checkings account, and I only had like 20. Did the teller make a mistake? HEYY. Should I go fix the problem if she did? HMM I'll have to see. All I know is that I have a daily credit limit of over $1,000.00. I am not going to get in debt, and I am not going to go over whatever I have in the bank. It's going to be so hard, though, when I am shopping. I am becoming a shopaholic very quickly. Is there a shopaholics anonymous?

Speaking of shopping, one of my homegirls today brought up Christmas shopping. She made a list in art class, and she put me on the list of friends that is going to get a gift. Now, I have to put her on my list, I am going to get my friends something. It's not like ninth grade anymore, now you have your friends defined, and you aren't just trying to grab onto anybody, until you find your niche. Last year, I got some of my friends hair bonnets, because they said they needed it. I felt good, because, they didn't expect it, and they had been talking about needing one for around a month, to protect their hair from the wind.


I must say hello to some of my readers. HEYY MS. PAM, MR. JACKSON, MS. RAYA, MR. SMITH, and Mr. DANIEL. I have five now LOL.

God is the greatest author ever,because, every life is a story.-Marz

( Ooh, I feel a poem from this quote.)

-Marz